Tuesday, November 29, 2011
it's because when i walk outside my nose feels cold first
and because when i'm cold, its acceptable to dress like a hobo.
it's the feeling of sunshine through my car window
as it warms up my legs.
it's because i dream of happy things every night
and my eyelids feel droopy when the day is done.
it's the new lotion i use on my dry hands.
it's footsies and hot chocolate and sweatshirts
and a boy with a hood that's too little.
it's the feeling of warm cheeks and
singing the happiest songs that ever were made.
and maybe it's because i'm not scared of time anymore
i'm only excited for things to come.
it's because i know that i have love and faith in my heart.
and i know that this is a special time in life.
i think that's why life is so happy.
"i am in love with what we are."
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
the thank you's in my heart today are for many different things.
for mikelle pyne
just celebrated her 19th birthday.
on her insides and outsides.
and i look up to her more than she will ever realize.
for friends who throw together
candlelight desserts for birthdays.
and sing songs about being 19.
that it can free a soul
and help you forget your past mistakes.
for doing the right thing
even though its hard.
for kisses on the forehead and wishing on stars.
and for the person who deserves every
good thing in this large world
telling you that they are truly happy.
and for a minute you forget all the bad
and wonder if life could ever be any better.
and for those minutes, i am so thankful.
"no, it won't all go the way it should, but i know the heart of life
Monday, November 21, 2011
i'm thankful for laughs.
that even though things sometimes aren't fair
and sometimes you do things that you should be embarrassed about,
you get to let your tummy hurt and your smile burst into a million pieces.
and for a second, everything is good
everything is bright
and you feel like you did when you were younger.
so you laugh and laugh and laugh.
it makes everything better, don't you think?
"with you all i know is
i'm coming home"
Saturday, November 19, 2011
i'm grateful for new days.
for the first deep breath you take when you wake up in the morning.
and you roll over and feel the last bit of warm blankets.
and if you're lucky,
the first thought you think of will be of someone who makes your heart very happy.
or it will be that your best friend is sleeping in this room, too.
or you'll be tickled by the dream that your heart
and head put together for you.
and the best part is that we have the opportunity to
be better than we were yesterday.
to laugh harder,
to smile at a stranger,
to dance in public,
to stop exaggerating so much,
to pray more,
and to move on from past hurts.
the first word i said this morning was,
Friday, November 18, 2011
since thanksgiving is in 6 days,
i decided that for the next of those days
i'll talk about something that i'm thankful for every day.
today i love that family of mine.
i made a really emotional, tough, future changing choice this week.
i was lucky to have a mom
that i could speak to about it all i wanted.
i called my dad to tell him what i decided and he
smiled through the phone.
he told me that wherever this big world takes me
he'll promise to be behind me 100000%
peeps. thats a lot of percent.
my older sister bought me a hot cocoa maker
because its no secret that i can't survive a single 24 hour period
in november/december/january time without a warm mug full of that heavenly stuff!
(haven't missed a day thus far. whoop!)
my older brother took me for a drive
into the mountains so we could touch our first snow
and said a special prayer for me.
my little brother showed me online and all the funny things it has
and made me laugh and laugh and laugh.
my littlest sis told me some very nice secrets
and we've worn necklaces that match every day this week.
of all the things i have, i'm so blessed to have these strong spirits around me
all the time.
they help me be the best i can be.
they are my heros and some of my best friends.
and i'm so lucky!
i'm stuck with this bunch for the rest of eternity!
i love my adopted sister, too.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
for a mom who hugs you when you can't stop crying
and for a friend who listens and cares.
for "i was just praying for you"
and drives with michael buble.
for the reminders that even though people will have their opinions but
if you are happy making changes, make them.
for only getting an hour of sleep
but getting 2 hours to be with that special book and getting to see the sunrise in return.
for warm showers
and things addressed to you in the mail.
for the ensign - conference addition.
for blessings and prayers and knowing your path is guided.
and for the moon and the stars and the beautiful world around you.
and for the knowledge that it was all done just for you.
that every blessing of your day was brought to you purposefully because you are
loved and cared for by that very being who created the
wonders of the heavens. and everything inside them.
"This is the paradox of man: compared to God,
man is nothing; yet we are everything to God."
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
hang in there.
Monday, November 14, 2011
for the words that pass through your brain a million times over
and tickle your voice box and want to be set free.
but you never let them out.
maybe because your scared. scared of being hurt
scared of being pathetic
scared of crying when they decide to peep out.
like that you miss him, even though you just saw him yesterday.
or that it scares you that saying goodbye didn't hurt as bad as you thought.
that its selfish, but you don't want to be let go.
and that somehow you just know you won't let this one go.
like that you've never felt more happiness for anything else.
or how they're always on your mind.
how you're not scared of leaving, you're just scared that he'll move on.
like that you have nothing else to say, but you want to hold his hand and squeeze it real tight. and hope that maybe what your insides are trying to say will make it all the way to his heart.
or that you're done with every one living far away.
like that you miss your mom. and you wish you said 'thank you' more.
or something like, "i love you."
and "i've been crying about you all day."
don't worry, the happy kind of crying.
like that you just want to live with your heart wide open,
or "please don't forget me."
and sometimes its probably better that i just keep all those things inside.
the things that don't need to be said.
"lets fly away."
Monday, November 7, 2011
you know that hole in your heart?
the one that's left over from the packed suitcase
and the lost trust.
you know that thorn in your side?
the one that got stuck because he said that he loved you
and you can't let it go.
you know that break in your leg?
the one that happened because it was your time to shine
and you couldn't open your mouth.
you know the white knuckles?
the ones you got from fears of everyone being right
fears of being inadequate
fears of being alone
fears of being hurt
and fears of not getting over your fears.
well, there's a reason they make such a big deal out of that four letter word we
don't say enough.
because it can take everything away.
and before you know it
you wake up every morning and you read a letter
and you smile when you take the garbage out
and when you look at the moon your heart beats faster
and you feel more yourself than you've ever felt. ever.
and your mom notices that you can't stop smiling
and you feel the need to tell every girl you know that it exists.
and for once in your life
you're not scared of a packed suitcase and goodbyes.
you're not scared of lying.
you're not scared of missed opportunities,
of saying the wrong thing
of driving him away.
and you're not scared to tell your heart to open up
and let it in.
because its safe.
its actually safe.
and you know it.
and i've almost never had more thank-you's in my heart for anything else.
"it feels like home to me"
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
i like monday night visits
to a new baby boy.
i like hugs that are tight
especially when the outside feels cold.
i like nighttime calls on my telephone
and laughing all the time.
i like little songs on the piano
and long drives in the car.
i like writing letters
and letters that get written to me.
i like looking at the moon
and feeling happier than ever before.
i like the kind of happy that fills you right up
the kind that won't let the smile leave your face
or the tingleys leave your tummy.
and the kind that makes you feel safe enough to trust.
i do in-fact,
i think i'm happier than ever before.
"if it gets any sweeter than this
i don't want to know.
i don't want to know."