today my mama said,

"girls never know how good they deserve,
until they've gotten one who's as good as they deserve."



hearts put up with a lot of things.
a lot of different boys walk in and out of them.
and some time between the walking in and the walking out
an adventure happens.
some hearts just want an adventure. any adventure they can get.
some hearts try and get an adventure that was better than the last one.
some hearts get the best thing the first time around and won't let it walk out.
and some hearts let the wrong thing walk in and out over and over again
because its all they've known,
and its what they've come to believe is all that they should ever know.
and then some hearts find a simply average adventure,
and believe that its good enough to keep forever.
to this heart, the occasional laughter and cute deed
are worth the white lying, and the awkward tension, and the confusion too.

most hearts, i would assume
have gone through almost every one of these stages.
and then one day
he walks in and you have an adventure
the rarest most beautiful kind of adventure.
the kind of adventure where your heart is happy
all the time.
and you know, with all your heart and soul that he'd do anything
to see you happy.
and what he says is what he means.
and he'll be the one that'll be sending you off to bed while he does laundry for you.
he'll accept that you don't understand football
and attend an opera with you if that's what you want.
and he'll love that your feet rub together when you sleep at night
and that they are a size 5.
and that you're OCD about the way you walk on the sidewalk
and that you talk too much.
that one of your highest aspirations is to set foot on the moon.
he'll never make you feel inadequate
because you're not.
he'll remind you he's lucky to have you
because he is.

and when you find one like that,
you'll never go back.
and if you haven't found one like that,
keep looking.
because that one adventure will be worth every single average-ordinary adventure your heart has had before.




"cause i love the way you say good morning, & you
take me the way i am."
love, laura

cheers.

to the best weekend ever experienced.
i'm 19. i cried at first.
but a cute boy brought me a space book
and he brought a dark haired girl whom i worhship.
and two of the most beautiful girls i've ever met
showed up with a lion birthday card and
a well dressed cupcake.
my brother took me on a date
to a place with lots of meat.
and i love meat.
a lot.
and i had to sit on a saddle.
and the best woman made my dreams come true.
yes folks, that lovely thing in those pictures are indeed ACTUAL floating lanterns!
set off with a few of my most favorite peeps.
have i ever been happier?
the answer would have to be
a resounding no.
there was the wedding.
and best friends
who dressed very classy.
and a couple of matching outfits.
a bench swing and a birthday card.
and a walk on the moon.
and a space shirt.
in which pluto is included.
i'm so happy.



to all who made it possible,
thanks.



long live pluto.

"why can't every day be just
this good?"
love, laur

the first one,

i haven't told you
but once i was a 15 year old girl.
he was 15 too.
we fell fast and we fell hard.
we were each others first romance.
he was the first one
the first one that ever made my heart race.
the first one that ever gave me chills
& in the end
the first one that ever broke my heart.
it ended
& for lack of a better term, it ended badly.
i felt tiny. insignificant. stupid. ugly. starving. miserable. you name it.
i cried for months.
it was messy. it was hard. & i vowed to never give my heart to another human ever again.
because of the ugliness of the situation, we stopped communication entirely.
we didn't come within feet of each other.
i pretended like i didn't know who he was & he did the same.
we were strangers. & thats how it had to be.
it ended without a goodbye.
without a thank you.
it just ended.

i never thought i'd get over it.
i plowed through each day & went through the painful process of having my heart heal.
& listening to my mom say, "these things just take time".

i don't remember when or how it happened
but one day, the suffering was over.
i was over it.
i wasn't scared of him.
& i felt more freed than i'd ever felt.


last night we spoke for the first time in years.
we talked about everything.
he said what he had to say
& so did i.

& i learned right then that i was strong.
that i really was completely and utterly a different person than i was back then.
& that i wouldn't be who i am now if he hadn't of hurt me.
& i'm honestly grateful that he did.
i wouldn't have met the people i met.
experienced what i've experienced
& most importantly
i wouldn't have had enough faith to endure other trials.


because of the first one,
i was strong enough to make it through my family falling apart.
& my heart being broken other times.
& all the other things i've had to go through.

it taught me that even when i'm in the bottom of the ocean
& i can't breathe,
i WILL eventually make it up to the top again if i keep swimming.


& that could be one of the most valuable lessons i've learned in my short lifetime.

i'm so grateful that God knows what He's doing.
& to know that one day i'll look back at all of my hard days and be grateful for what i've learned.

& i'm thankful for the first one.

what an amazing thing life is.


"& all the things that break you, are the things
that make you strong."
love, laura

some things i wish

i could write on the palm of my hand
and hold onto them so tight.
and that every time i got scared and started to forget
i could look down and open up my palm
and remember exactly how i felt at exactly the right moment.

i'd write about this.
about sitting here for days with puffy cheeks.
how many times i've been laying here thinking,
"once i can eat again, i'm going to enjoy every chomp of real food i take.
and i'm gonna start working out too.
and i'm gonna eat carrots.
and smile a lot."

i'd write about the day i spent with my brother at byu.
how we laughed and
talked about getting rich and sharing a backyard when we were older.
because i knew that day that no matter what happened
he'd always be my best friend.
and we'd always have each other.

i'd write about that afternoon
when that boy hugged me so tight
and i could literally feel all the worry and the happy. and the feeling of hanging
onto something you cared about so much. and something that might go away from you
too soon.

i'd write about the swings in the summer
and looking at the sky
and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that God can make anything work out.

i'd write about running in the canyon.
finishing the whole trail
and feeling unstoppable.

i'd write about laying in that bed in new york city.
talking till 4 in the morning
exhausted, laughing, and inexpressibly happy.



unfortunately i can't keep things in my palm
i can't hold onto them for dear life.
but the beautiful thing about life is that when something comes to an end
if it touched your heart the right amount of deep,
you'll never forget
and all the senses of your memories will be more stunning.
and you'll hear every word
and feel every touch
and you'll never forget.


and if by some chance,
something happens and you do,
i bet when you pass away
God gives you a blue box
and its full of beautiful beautiful memories
and all the lessons you learned from them.
i sure hope so.



"how you'd kiss me when i was in the
middle of saying something"
love, laura

well, hi.

one: thank you for following this lovely. it boosts my self-esteem :)
2: well, mother informed me that i will probably be getting my wisdom teeth out this weekend.
i don't enjoy this news.
mostly because i enjoy my wisdom.
also because i don't want my cheeks to be large.

ThRee: i've been thinking that you can throw up out of your mouth
and kiss a boy with the same mouth
on the same day.
don't be grossed out.
it happens.

4.4.4: sometimes my soon-to-be-brother-in-law comes in through the garage door
while i'm working from home.
when i work from home
i sometimes wear my shorty shorts and a large v-neck.
to the innocent bystander (my brother-in-law)
it looks as though i passed on wearing pants today.
whoops.


five: the wildcat is coming home.

6. fall is coming. i appreciate fall.
in fact, my date of birth is like the 1st real day of fall. i think.
unfortunately though, fall is short
and winter is brutal.
and i only have cute clothes for warm weather.

seventh. Thomas S. Monson is obsessed with pigeons.
if that doesn't make you love him more
i don't know what will.


eight8: i got asked to go out to dinner tonight
with a woman who i look up to more than anyone really knows.

and another one and i are going on a movie date on saturday.


and also: don't worry. i date boys too.





"if you have a minute why don't we go
talk about it somewhere only
we know."
love, laura

for the love.

he has speckled knees
a lot of the time he squeaks at the end of his sentences.
he has a high pitched giggle that tingles my feet.
he wears an indian shirt on special occasions.
he rings my doorbell and then stands on the edge of my porch
facing the other way.
he sends me scriptures when i'm sad.
he comes over when i'm not home and talks to my family.
every time i look at him he's smiling at me.
he makes me feel like me.
the real me.
the me thats the best kind of me.

and he'll do the right thing.
always.
and he'll put whats most important in front of everything else.
always.
and i trust him.


today we cried.
i wish i would've told him how i felt.



"run far away
so i can breathe.
even though you're far from suffocating me."
love, laura

it might be time to rename the blog

to "my life as a super senior"

right now my social life isn't its peachiest. mostly because
everyone else gets to grow up
except me. i still have 4 more months.
so, that happened.
and i get quite bored.

and i vowed never to do anything like this.
but when a cute boy asks you to go to a soccer game
and you really have no excuse not to go
except that you feel like a complete idiot
what can you do?
here's a glimpse of my first super senior activity.



i first got a pep talk
from my virtual friend.




after which, i was all ready to go.
he came and picked me up and i hid behind my hair.
i said "i'm so embarrassed" a total of 12 times
just in the car ride over.

when people asked me why i was there i said,
"to support CaLea."
CaLea doesn't really know me at all.
but it helped me feel less creepy.

at one point we were sitting behind
some lovlies and they were saying,
"we should ban super seniors,
they are the worst."
he said, "guys, i think you're hurting her feelings."
they laughed and said,
"ohh yeah..except you, laura, except you."

after which,
i resorted to taking creepy pictures on my phone
and vowed, yet again, to never attend another high school
activity.


the student section. aerial view.


the bald spot on my little friend's head.


my favorite speckled knees.

and then i ran away back home.


and rewarded myself to a caramel brownie.
i deserved it
i'd been working hard.
and thus was my first
and last
super senior adventure.



"i wanna run through the halls of
my high school. I wanna scream at the top of my lungs."
love, laura