Thursday, October 27, 2011
when there's only a mile between two hearts,
it can hurt more than when they feel 3,000 miles between them.
though hearts feel lousy when they have 10,000 miles between them, too.
the distance between two hearts, always feels large.
large and empty.
whether its the best friend kind of hearts,
or the family kind of hearts,
or the lover kind of hearts.
whichever way, sometimes two hearts are just meant to be
and maybe that's part of what love is.
"we'll look at the stars when we're together
yeah, it's always better when we're together."
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
the plane descended through the clouds
and all i could see was green.
green and rain clouds
and i was immediately in love.
it smelt like rain
and like autumn
and like the sea.
it tickled my nose and made me smile.
i went in the city where trees grow on the sides of the street.
i fell upon a square where people can do nothing
but find something to be mad about and protest against it.
i looked outside my window and a boat dock
with trees all lit up
and sailboats in the mornings.
i laughed with her harder than i've ever laughed before.
i went on ferries
we stood on the front of it the whole time.
the cold nipped my nose
but i had never felt so free.
i ran along the beach
and i picked up some shells
i looked up and stretched my arms out wide to let my heart feel it all.
i drove far away and watched forests pass on both sides of me
my heart hurt a little, this is his kind of place.
i found a town that was quiet and peaceful
and moss grew on the streets.
i was on top of the world and i saw forests and cities and the ocean.
i plugged a guitar in the wall and i felt like a rockstar.
i saw fish fly.
and i lived every second
and i loved every second.
and then i had to leave every second.
but we an understanding, seattle and i
and as i sat on the front of that ferry
on the very last night
i looked back at that beautiful place
and i gave it a piece of my heart
and i gave it a promise i'd return.
and i keep my promises.
"now all that i want is to be
where you are."
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
it starts out as a beautiful
orange and pink and purple sunset
and then the top of the sky starts to get dark blue.
and it sends off lighter and lighter shades of blue
that get closer and closer to the setting sun
until the night sky over takes everything.
there is a small moment of in-between the two.
the shade of blue at the ends of the sky
is so light
that it looks white and colorless.
and you can see the silhouette of the mountains perfectly.
at this part of the evening
i like to think that the sky is getting stretched to its limits
to make more room for the stars that are gonna fill up the entire sky
and thats why it looks that way.
and the white sky is just yearning for a rest
for blue to overtake it and beautiful stars to fill it up.
it doesn't know it yet,
but i know that
its only going to be a few moments
before the starlight comes and this part of the sky
is more beautiful than its ever been.
last night i watched this happen in the sky yet again.
but this time it was different.
my life, as of late, has been a bit stuck in that white, stretching position.
when all i can really see is the moutains
or the big things ahead of me that are going to be hard.
and i'm just waiting for a rest. for stars to fill me up
and for things to be more beautiful than they ever were before.
what i don't realize is that the first stars to pop up
are the smallest ones.
the ones you can barely see
but the ones that make everything most beautiful.
you have to open your eyes wide to find them
but they inevitably do come.
he sent me a scripture last night,
i read it and i felt rest in my soul
and peace in my heart.
she took me for a drive
and we listened to taylor swift
and the tears that had been welling for so long,
finally came out.
she sent me a text
about space and the moon
and about how thats what friends are for.
i talked to her on the phone
and she listened to me
and i listened to her. and i worried about someone else for a change.
i got to see my darling hawaiian via skype,
she did a hula dance for me
and told me she missed me a lot.
my sky is filling right up with little stars.
little stars blinking and reminding me that the nighttime will come.
that things will be beautiful once again
that the mountains are not big enough to stop me.
and that stretching only makes more room for more blessings.
God knew what He was doing,
filling up that sky with things for me to learn from.
"happy is the heart that still feels
Sunday, October 16, 2011
one of those
when everything you previously thought
was pulled out of your heart on a 4 hour drive.
one of those
when you know something is wrong
and there's no need to talk about it
so all you can do is wait for the tears that are stinging your
eyes to come out and make an appearance.
one of those
when you facebook stalk people that you miss.
and it doesn't make anything easier like you thought.
and you're starting to forget what their voice sounds like.
one of those
when bad things happen to good people.
like your best friend sending off her missionary
and you can't be there to help.
and your other best friend finding out her
mom is sick.
and you can't do anything.
and your family is mad and crying.
and you're stuck.
and somethings making him sad
but you don't know what it is.
one of those
when you're not really sure if anything
is gonna go how you planned it out in life
even just how you planned it out 3 days ago.
one of those
when it was too cloudy to see your favorite moon.
one of those
"and i know the shape of your hands
cause i watch them when you talk."
Thursday, October 13, 2011
well, the lovely kimberly tagged me,
so i guess i'll participate in this little activity.
7 things you might not know about me?
1. i just recently started piano lessons. at 19 years of age.
i can successfully play one primary song. :)
2. i got my first kiss when i was just a few months shy of 16.
its one of my biggest regrets, not waiting till i was of age.
3. the 4th of july is my favorite holiday.
4. last night, i had a dream that i saw astronauts getting ready to launch.
yes, i cried.
5. i hate money. and i can't spend it.
6. he is, in fact, one year younger than i.
7. i like corners. like the corners of rooms. i like to stand in them.
nose facing corner. is that weird?
and hey, go take a look at that moon.
its lighting up the whole sky.
i'm simply smitten with it.
"favoritism aint my thing, but in this situation,
i'd be game to make an exception."
if they feel like participating,
i tag...shelbie, jamie, abigail
Monday, October 10, 2011
the daytime drives
and the sweaters.
the name that's made up
of five letters.
a bench and a pond
at my favorite park.
and waiting to look at the stars
when its dark.
he drives too fast
and i curl up in my chair.
he laughs when i motion
"slow down" in the air.
she slept on my floor
the night that was last.
we talked about everything
mostly the past.
of all the voices that
people let sing.
hers make tears fall and
people always come on the day
that you need them.
God puts them there so you
can try to read them.
we've been waiting for a few weeks to
hear the news.
she got the letter today
and she'll follow my shoes.
he filled up her gas tank
and let her stay in the car.
i don't know if any greater
boys there are.
i told him a secret the day
we first met.
sometimes i get worried he
might start to forget.
but being scared is never the answer to be.
cause love fills your heart up,
it makes you feel free.
Hey Morg, i miss you.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
and it was cold.
i remember being little
him taking me on walks.
he loved autumn.
we would walk, just he and i. my little hand in his.
him raving about the colors of the leaves.
i'd say, "daddy, what kind of a tree is that?
what flower is that?
why do the leaves change?
why are they falling?..."
either he really knew everything
or he made it up.
either way, i was fooled. and he had me wrapped around his finger.
he used to tell me that i would know it was fall
when i took the first inhale and the cold came inside.
not just in my mouth, but all the way down to my lungs.
he used to say, "this is sweater weather" with a big smile on his face,
he'd wear his sweatshirts with his shorts
sandals with socks.
how he looked meant nothing to him.
he'd sing me songs.
primary songs usually.
but sometimes ones he made up
about me and the leaves.
there came a day when red leaves weren't good enough.
life became more of everything of no worth.
and less of everything that mattered.
less to none of each other.
i try not to relive it too much.
no matter how many times it replays in your mind.
sometimes empty spaces, will always stay empty.
my life is beautiful. and i don't mean to complain.
its been almost two years.
but it still gets hard to breathe when the leaves start to fall.
and the tears like to fall with them.
"its so quiet in the world tonight"