hearts and levels.

here's my heart,
you should know it pretty well, it's been in your hand for quite awhile now.
it's made up of levels.
layers, more i guess.
some weak parts, some hard parts, some glowing parts,
some just falling apart parts.
i think you've reached a new part, you know?
a layer i didn't know was there.
but it's making me braver and happier and smarter.
it's like i decided to just love you.
i mean, i always have really. i think i loved you before i met you.
i loved this idea and this person in my head
who turned out to be a lot like you.
i loved you when i walked through the subway line and i loved you
when we didn't talk at all.
maybe i just feel like that because so much of me loves you now.
all i feel i can express it with is time
because time is all i've really got.
i guess i don't actually have much of that either.
but i guess what i'm saying is that my life loves you, you know?
the first breath i took in september and the last one i took in november.
and its all filled with love that i decided to let burst.
life isn't about being too scared of goodbye to enjoy today,
you've taught me that,
and i'm finally starting to believe you.
so whether you leave tomorrow or friday
or on the november the 6th,
it doesn't really matter because you've reached a layer that has never been reached.
and that means that i get to be happy about you,
i get to laugh and to cry and to tell you you're the most wonderful thing
i've ever met and that i'm so happy to be apart of your life.
so lucky to be apart of your glorious life.
i get to hug you and wish you the best of luck, and tell you
you're my best friend, and i mean it.
you took away the fear, you know?
and maybe someday i'll look back at this all, and i won't remember it too well.
but i hope i never forget.
forgetting might be something i'm still afraid of.





"you give me something"
love, laura