i inhaled.

and it was cold.
and
i remember being little
him taking me on walks.
he loved autumn.
we would walk, just he and i. my little hand in his.
him raving about the colors of the leaves.
i'd say, "daddy, what kind of a tree is that?
what flower is that?
why do the leaves change?
why are they falling?..."
either he really knew everything
or he made it up.
either way, i was fooled. and he had me wrapped around his finger.
he used to tell me that i would know it was fall
when i took the first inhale and the cold came inside.
not just in my mouth, but all the way down to my lungs.
he used to say, "this is sweater weather" with a big smile on his face,
he'd wear his sweatshirts with his shorts
sandals with socks.
how he looked meant nothing to him.
he'd sing me songs.
primary songs usually.
but sometimes ones he made up
about me and the leaves.



there came a day when red leaves weren't good enough.
life became more of everything of no worth.
and less of everything that mattered.
less to none of each other.
i try not to relive it too much.
no matter how many times it replays in your mind.
sometimes empty spaces, will always stay empty.


my life is beautiful. and i don't mean to complain.


its been almost two years.
but it still gets hard to breathe when the leaves start to fall.

and the tears like to fall with them.


"its so quiet in the world tonight"
love, laura