here's to missing

and i should be sleeping right now
or thinking of the million billion things i need to do within the next
15 days and swallow it all
and then wallow it all
and then fall asleep somehow in all that "-allow"ing.
but instead i'm thinking of seat belts
and how i wish you'd never forget to wear them.
i'm thinking of coves of trees and grass and moons and clusters of stars.
i'm thinking of longboards and scraped toes
and i'm thinking of giggles and squeaks
and freckles and knees
and i'm thinking of letters.
i'm thinking that what i think is just a lot of thinking
and there isn't really much knowledge in there like i've always thought
and mostly its just air and bristles and wonderful wispy thoughts.
but the things that i know are the things that i feel
in my heart.
and sometimes my heart really hurts me,
and it beats slower and longer and pulls me all around to memories and memories
and laughs and cries.
and missing and loving are maybe the same thing
except that loving doesn't hurt when you're gone.
but loving sometimes has to include missing.
missing from your heart, or from your empty hand, or cold ribcage
or from over seas, or down the street or even from moab.
i guess what i mean is its not bad to miss.
because missing is loving,
and loving is you.






"yeah, put them in a lamp to light my world."
love, laura