this night.

we were sweaty and gross
hopping off the tandem.
i pushed the door open and heard the beep.
we said hi
i put my foot on the counter.
he handed us water cups.
we sat in the corner.
i watched him clean the tables
i smiled.
i really can't help it.
he looked at me and i felt it.
that headache build up in my forehead
and my throat coiling up.
i looked at her
across the table
and i didn't know what to do.


i know that its coming.
he's staying home.
she's going to school.
i don't start school till the bitter month of january.

we escaped.
we rode up a hill
huffing and puffing along.
that boy drove by in his car
rolled down the window and yelled.
typical.
i ache.
not only in my poor frail legs (embarrassing)
but inside
i know he's the one i miss most.



is it so bad
that i just want to cry?
and i can't.

i'm no good at goodbye.
love, laura