every little thing is gonna be alright :)

female.

2012-02-06T21:28:00.000-08:00

because when i was created it was decided that i would be one.
and there's a lot of things to be happy about and to yell about and to be proud
about because we are women and we're a pretty big deal.
but because i am a girl--or at least thats where the blame gets put--
i have these rather minuscule windows in time
where things are simply hard.
because you open your eyes and you see beautiful people
and they have perfect skin and small waistlines and lips that are full.
or they know all the rules of grammar.
and not all of their sentences start with And, But or Or.
or people are naturally in love with them, they have cool hats and shoes and every kind of person is drawn to them.
or you see them sitting in the library
for hours and hours because they like to read
because they like to have knowledge
because for them, an A- isn't good enough.
and you look up and down and you spin in a few circles
and somehow, sometime, you end up looking at yourself in the face.
and all you can see is long blonde hair that
is breaking and stringy and in desperate need of a shower,
and bumps on your nose and
you start wondering when your eyebrows started growing clear over there.
and the voice inside of you whispers, "you're just a girl, just an average
girl with too big of dreams and too little of hands"
and you inhale those words
and that wasn't very smart to do,
because you know what happens when you breathe those things in.
you see, words are magic in a way,
they fill you right up.
and their favorite place to get comfy is the front of your head
and there they will stay as long as they're fed.
and no matter how many bagels you eat, or trips you make home, or jokes you laugh at,
you still hear them through the muffled soundtrack of your mind.

but then something happens to you.
because you wake up on a february morning
and you slide off your yellow sheets and you sit on your knees,
and you say "i need you right now.
i need to feel like i'm important right now.
and i know that its silly to ask, but i do."
and then you open your eyes
and guess what?
that big beautiful sun that warms us all up,
it was made for you.
and the trees and the kittens and the mountains,
those were made for you, too.
and the sand and the ocean
and the smells of a movie theater,
and compliments that flood in from people who love you a lot,
its all for you. every particle of this place is for you.
and the reason that we don't need to be scared of dying
and the reason its love that fills up your heart and
the feeling of fresh air on your elbows,
its all here because you are.
because you are and i am.
and because we are everything to The Creator of all of it.
The Creator of everything and anything and everything's everything.
you're that important.

"oh. i feel your heartbeat."
love, laura

i wish for you

2012-02-04T20:44:00.000-08:00

sunlight in february
and dry socks on your feet.
i wish you days that bring you to your knees
and to the temple on top of the hill.
i wish for you kisses in the moonlight
the kind that give you shaky knees when you walk inside.
i wish you A's on your math tests
and nike sweatshirts.
and rugs that feel good on bare feet.
i wish you new books that strike your fancy
and speedy wipers on your windshield when its gray.
hair that is messy
and chills on your arms.
i wish you advice from your mama
and old friends too.
and compliments on days when you didn't even try at all.
i wish you hope for your future
and smiling memories in your rear view
and nights spent looking up at the sky.
i wish you happy thoughts at nighttime
and leggings to bed
and lots of hair piled up on top of your head.
i wish you cuddles and footsies
and even some nuzzling
and someone who loves you, and hugs you, and tells you.
long naps,
short talks,
the perfect amount of nickles in your pocket
and phone calls goodnight.
ponytails and giggles and a quote that makes you think.
postage stamps, feather coats, and chocolate shakes.
i wish you homework-less sundays
a mouth full of words that sound lovely,
and a tummy full of ice cream.
i wish you every happy thing.
every happy thing and more.

happy february, peeps.

"i'll love you for a thousand more."
love, laura

...

2012-01-25T11:05:00.000-08:00

love, laura

its like this.

2012-01-17T16:35:00.000-08:00

i have 4.5 drafts in my folder and i don't want to publish them
because nothing that is coming out of my lips
or out of my fingers, rather,
actually make sense.
and i feel odd.
its like how it feels to have mascara on your pillows
because your eyes keep leaking.
its like how i feel when shelbie leaves her watch on the desk
and i know she does because i can hear it tick-tocking wherever i go.
and i don't know if its just in my head, or if its really that loud.
its like when i lay on my bed and i can feel my heartbeat
a billion beats per minute
and no matter how slow i try to breathe, it won't calm down.
its like a boy who melts me.
its the thoughts that run through my head when i'm cleaning the bathroom
or picking out a shirt to wear
or when i'm doing anything really.
and it sounds like this. like rambling and loving and breathing
and reading and all of my "to do's" and the names of the planets and their orbits and their rings and their proximity to the sun.
and 6 songs that explain me and how i feel about life and how on earth i made it to today.
its like when i get in my car and i listen to the news or music that is weird
but reminds me that i'm growing up.
its like wondering why i stopped gaining inches in 6th grade while everyone
else kept going.
and there's a piece of my heart that is scared that one day we'll be like everything else that i've ruined. and we'll be far apart and i'll forget the sounds of people's voices.
its like how i want to deliver babies and see mama's and dad's eyes get red when they hold the newest member of our planet which happens to have his nose and her eyes. and for a second the love in that room will be so real that we all get chills. because two people who loved each other finally became one thing the whole world can see.
love will become life. right in front of us.
its like knowing that no matter how sad or happy or scared or mad i am,
i have a foundation. i have love. and one day i'll be able to live in the stars.

"& my hearts beating like a steamboat tugging."
love, laura

now.

2012-01-05T10:42:00.000-08:00

of all the things that we don't know about life
we do know that one day
it will end.
and when it does
your comfy bed
and your pricey boots
and the nugg at the bottom of the stairs
won't be yours anymore.
we don't really own anything.
because you will leave and they will stay.
all that we actually have for our own,
are the hours that we're using right now
and the minutes that are in our rear view.
but don't let that depress you,
because time is one of the most beautiful things that we've ever been given.
the wisdom that comes with any passing of time
is simply priceless.
and that means that sometimes i just want to be 80
to have a wrinkle on my face for all of the things i've experienced
and to look at the sky and realize i have so much more figured out
than my 19 year old self did.
and to know that i made it through.
but when i'm 80 i won't be able to swing on swings
or run through parks
or jump off stairs.
and that's why i do that
because one day when i'm old and gray,
i'll remember how it looked with the blonde hair on my face
and the sunshine shining through it,
and i'll remember jumping off the stairs of my front porch
and hearing that giggle from behind.
i'll think of the dancing in public
and the sleeping in too late.
and the butterflies that i got in my stomach.
and i'll smile, because i did all that i could
to the best i could.
that i laughed and i sang and i fell in love.
i had no idea what i was doing,
but i did good things and i breathed deeply and i squinted at the sun
i forgave myself and i forgave others
and i really earned those laugh lines.
that's how i want now to be remembered.

"don't be scared its only love that we're
falling into."
love, laura

birds.

2011-12-30T11:53:00.000-08:00

all the smiles on faces
and tickles in tummies,
all the dreams of young people
and the grass that dances with the wind,
all the glittery snow flakes
and pink and orange clouds,
all the foggy half moons
and big full ones too,
all the happy secrets shared
and the songs that make your muscles want to move,
all the hair blowing through the car window
and heavy hearts turning light,
and memories you'll never forget,
all the times you run inside because it's chilly
and you get shivers because you're skin is so happy,
all the good kind of tear drops
and all the colors of sweaters,
the feeling of being home
and the smell of it too,
and the word "lovely"

thats how i feel about you.

"but when you look at them & see that they're
beautiful, that's how i feel about you."
love, laura

when i wake up i feel happy

2011-12-15T11:35:00.000-08:00

but then
there comes a tinge of guilt inside of me
because the world is sad sometimes
hearts are breaking and people are dying
people are making mistakes and hurting the ones they love most
and hearts are missing each other.
and today i thought about asking if it was wrong
to be so happy when so many awful things are happening.
if it was selfish,
if i was stealing everyone else's happiness.
and i felt so at peace.
because there isn't one big tank of happiness that everyone has to share from.
happiness is infinite
and its all around us
its in the sunshine and the christmas lights and the words that make your heart flutter
its in the morning laughs and the fluffy blankets and 7 freckles on your left arm.
its in your heart, its inside your very soul.
and every single little life can have as much as it wants
and no one can steal anyone else's away.
so if the love part of your life is perfect, enjoy every second of it.
and scream and laugh and dance about it if you want.
and wish the strangers at the store a "merry christmas!"
because the phrase is starting to die.
and wear lots of layers and put on funny hats
and be so thrilled that everyone is coming home, even if they will leave again.
make time for people, because you learn more from them than anything else.
read a good book.
and if you love a song, feel free to hit that replay button as much as you'd like.

and remember what this season is all about, and love the Savior with all you've got.
cause He's where all the happiness really comes from.

"we'll face unafraid the plans that we've made
walkin in a winter wonderland."
love, laura

lovelier

2011-12-06T12:23:00.000-08:00

i often feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest
because so much lovely is filling it up.
and i stay up late and wake up early
because too many lovely things are on my mind.
and i squeal and i laugh and i cover my eyes
because i hear about lovely things.
and i see the lovely lights
and i hear the lovely songs
and though summertime is no more
though tall buildings, and long boards
and the salt water and sand are miles away,
i have my stars above me
and my heart beating outside of me
and even though it can be scary
i've never been in a place that's lovelier than this.

"maybe one day we can go"
love, laura

happy december.

2011-12-01T15:03:00.000-08:00

from inside of me i feel the need to scream it all out on top of something tall.
except all i have is this blog and so that'll have to do.
i woke up this morning with the pukies in my stomach.
its abnormal for me to feel this way
i throw up a lot but only out of crying
or when i brush my teeth and my gag reflexes don't like it.
so to wake up and feel really sick is a really odd feeling
and i really don't like it that much.

my mom brings me oils when i don't feel good and she rubs them on my feet.
then she gives me some to rub on my tummy
and now i smell like flowers or
weeds
or something like that.
so i get some work done and then i stay in my pajamas all day.

and i look outside and realize that it is december.
i so enjoy the first day of every month because its the promise for a whole new 30 or so days of new things.
its like looking at the empty pages left in your journal
and wondering what in the world you're going to write about back in there
because you have no idea when you'll write in it
and no idea where you'll be when you do.

and my phone has been quieter the past few days.

and i'm sorry that this long post might make no sense at all.

but its december and its not snowing
and this is the most magical month of all of them.
so go outside and don't forget your coat.
and tonight look at the christmas lights because
it looks like christmas out there.

"your skin and bones turn into something beautiful, you know,
you know i love you so."
love, laura

.

2011-11-29T16:35:00.000-08:00

it's because when i walk outside my nose feels cold first
and because when i'm cold, its acceptable to dress like a hobo.
it's the feeling of sunshine through my car window
as it warms up my legs.
it's because i dream of happy things every night
and my eyelids feel droopy when the day is done.
it's the new lotion i use on my dry hands.
it's footsies and hot chocolate and sweatshirts
and a boy with a hood that's too little.
it's the feeling of warm cheeks and
singing the happiest songs that ever were made.
and maybe it's because i'm not scared of time anymore
i'm only excited for things to come.
it's because i know that i have love and faith in my heart.
and i know that this is a special time in life.

i think that's why life is so happy.

"i am in love with what we are."
love, laura

and number 4

2011-11-23T12:44:00.000-08:00

the thank you's in my heart today are for many different things.
for mikelle pyne
just celebrated her 19th birthday.
she's beautiful
on her insides and outsides.
and i look up to her more than she will ever realize.
for friends who throw together
candlelight desserts for birthdays.
and sing songs about being 19.
for forgiveness
that it can free a soul
and help you forget your past mistakes.
for doing the right thing
even though its hard.
for kisses on the forehead and wishing on stars.
and for the person who deserves every
good thing in this large world
telling you that they are truly happy.
and for a minute you forget all the bad
and wonder if life could ever be any better.
and for those minutes, i am so thankful.

"no, it won't all go the way it should, but i know the heart of life
is good."
love, laura

&3

2011-11-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

i'm thankful for laughs.
that even though things sometimes aren't fair
and sometimes you do things that you should be embarrassed about,
you get to let your tummy hurt and your smile burst into a million pieces.
and for a second, everything is good
everything is bright
and you feel like you did when you were younger.
so you laugh and laugh and laugh.
it makes everything better, don't you think?

"with you all i know is
i'm coming home"
love, laura

#2

2011-11-19T22:52:00.000-08:00

i'm grateful for new days.
for the first deep breath you take when you wake up in the morning.
and you roll over and feel the last bit of warm blankets.
and if you're lucky,
the first thought you think of will be of someone who makes your heart very happy.
or it will be that your best friend is sleeping in this room, too.
or you'll be tickled by the dream that your heart
and head put together for you.
and the best part is that we have the opportunity to
be better than we were yesterday.
to laugh harder,
to smile at a stranger,
to dance in public,
to stop exaggerating so much,
to pray more,
and to move on from past hurts.

the first word i said this morning was,
"coming."
love, laura

day uno

2011-11-18T09:11:00.000-08:00

since thanksgiving is in 6 days,
i decided that for the next of those days
i'll talk about something that i'm thankful for every day.
deal? deal.

today i love that family of mine.

i made a really emotional, tough, future changing choice this week.
i was lucky to have a mom
that i could speak to about it all i wanted.
i called my dad to tell him what i decided and he
smiled through the phone.
he told me that wherever this big world takes me
he'll promise to be behind me 100000%
peeps. thats a lot of percent.
my older sister bought me a hot cocoa maker
because its no secret that i can't survive a single 24 hour period
in november/december/january time without a warm mug full of that heavenly stuff!
(haven't missed a day thus far. whoop!)
my older brother took me for a drive
into the mountains so we could touch our first snow
and said a special prayer for me.
my little brother showed me online and all the funny things it has
and made me laugh and laugh and laugh.
my littlest sis told me some very nice secrets
and we've worn necklaces that match every day this week.

of all the things i have, i'm so blessed to have these strong spirits around me
all the time.
they help me be the best i can be.
they are my heros and some of my best friends.
and i'm so lucky!
guess why?
i'm stuck with this bunch for the rest of eternity!

i love my adopted sister, too.
love, laura

thank you.

2011-11-15T14:20:00.001-08:00

for a mom who hugs you when you can't stop crying
and for a friend who listens and cares.
for "i was just praying for you"
and drives with michael buble.
for the reminders that even though people will have their opinions but
if you are happy making changes, make them.
for only getting an hour of sleep
but getting 2 hours to be with that special book and getting to see the sunrise in return.
for warm showers
and things addressed to you in the mail.
for the ensign - conference addition.
for blessings and prayers and knowing your path is guided.
and for the moon and the stars and the beautiful world around you.

and for the knowledge that it was all done just for you.
that every blessing of your day was brought to you purposefully because you are
loved and cared for by that very being who created the
wonders of the heavens. and everything inside them.

"This is the paradox of man: compared to God,
man is nothing; yet we are everything to God."
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

hang in there.
love, laura

for the things that don't need to be said.

2011-11-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

for the words that pass through your brain a million times over
and tickle your voice box and want to be set free.
but you never let them out.
maybe because your scared. scared of being hurt
scared of being pathetic
scared of crying when they decide to peep out.

like that you miss him, even though you just saw him yesterday.

or that it scares you that saying goodbye didn't hurt as bad as you thought.

that its selfish, but you don't want to be let go.

and that somehow you just know you won't let this one go.

like that you've never felt more happiness for anything else.

or how they're always on your mind.

how you're not scared of leaving, you're just scared that he'll move on.

like that you have nothing else to say, but you want to hold his hand and squeeze it real tight. and hope that maybe what your insides are trying to say will make it all the way to his heart.

or that you're done with every one living far away.

like that you miss your mom. and you wish you said 'thank you' more.

or something like, "i love you."
and "i've been crying about you all day."
don't worry, the happy kind of crying.

like that you just want to live with your heart wide open,

or "please don't forget me."

and sometimes its probably better that i just keep all those things inside.
the things that don't need to be said.

oops.

"lets fly away."
love, laura

let it in.

2011-11-07T20:45:00.000-08:00

you know that hole in your heart?
the one that's left over from the packed suitcase
and the lost trust.
you know that thorn in your side?
the one that got stuck because he said that he loved you
and you can't let it go.
you know that break in your leg?
the one that happened because it was your time to shine
and you couldn't open your mouth.
you know the white knuckles?
the ones you got from fears of everyone being right
fears of being inadequate
fears of being alone
fears of being hurt
and fears of not getting over your fears.

well, there's a reason they make such a big deal out of that four letter word we
don't say enough.
because it can take everything away.
everything.
and before you know it
you wake up every morning and you read a letter
and you smile when you take the garbage out
and when you look at the moon your heart beats faster
and you feel more yourself than you've ever felt. ever.
and your mom notices that you can't stop smiling
and you feel the need to tell every girl you know that it exists.

and for once in your life
you're not scared of a packed suitcase and goodbyes.
you're not scared of lying.
you're not scared of missed opportunities,
of saying the wrong thing
of driving him away.

and you're not scared to tell your heart to open up
and let it in.
because its safe.

its actually safe.
and you know it.

and i've almost never had more thank-you's in my heart for anything else.

"it feels like home to me"
love, laura

i don't want to know.

2011-11-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

i like monday night visits
to a new baby boy.
i like hugs that are tight
especially when the outside feels cold.
i like nighttime calls on my telephone
and laughing all the time.
i like little songs on the piano
and long drives in the car.
i like writing letters
and letters that get written to me.
i like looking at the moon
and feeling happier than ever before.
i like the kind of happy that fills you right up
the kind that won't let the smile leave your face
or the tingleys leave your tummy.
and the kind that makes you feel safe enough to trust.

yes,
i do in-fact,
i think i'm happier than ever before.

"if it gets any sweeter than this
i don't want to know.

i don't want to know."
love, laura

maybe

2011-10-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

when there's only a mile between two hearts,
it can hurt more than when they feel 3,000 miles between them.
though hearts feel lousy when they have 10,000 miles between them, too.
the distance between two hearts, always feels large.
large and empty.
whether its the best friend kind of hearts,
or the family kind of hearts,
or the lover kind of hearts.
whichever way, sometimes two hearts are just meant to be
close.
and maybe that's part of what love is.

"we'll look at the stars when we're together
yeah, it's always better when we're together."
love, laura

green trees and cold noses.

2011-10-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

the plane descended through the clouds
and all i could see was green.
green and rain clouds
and i was immediately in love.
it smelt like rain
and like autumn
and like the sea.
it tickled my nose and made me smile.
i went in the city where trees grow on the sides of the street.
i fell upon a square where people can do nothing
but find something to be mad about and protest against it.
i looked outside my window and a boat dock
with trees all lit up
and sailboats in the mornings.
i laughed with her harder than i've ever laughed before.
i went on ferries
we stood on the front of it the whole time.
the cold nipped my nose
but i had never felt so free.
i ran along the beach
and i picked up some shells
i looked up and stretched my arms out wide to let my heart feel it all.
i drove far away and watched forests pass on both sides of me
my heart hurt a little, this is his kind of place.
i found a town that was quiet and peaceful
and moss grew on the streets.
i was on top of the world and i saw forests and cities and the ocean.
i plugged a guitar in the wall and i felt like a rockstar.
i saw fish fly.
and i lived every second
and i loved every second.
and then i had to leave every second.

but we an understanding, seattle and i
and as i sat on the front of that ferry
on the very last night
i looked back at that beautiful place
and i gave it a piece of my heart
and i gave it a promise i'd return.

and i keep my promises.

"now all that i want is to be
where you are."
love, laura

there's this part of the evening,

2011-10-18T10:46:00.000-07:00

it starts out as a beautiful
orange and pink and purple sunset
and then the top of the sky starts to get dark blue.
and it sends off lighter and lighter shades of blue
that get closer and closer to the setting sun
until the night sky over takes everything.
but
there is a small moment of in-between the two.
its when
the shade of blue at the ends of the sky
is so light
that it looks white and colorless.
and you can see the silhouette of the mountains perfectly.
at this part of the evening
i like to think that the sky is getting stretched to its limits
to make more room for the stars that are gonna fill up the entire sky
and thats why it looks that way.

and the white sky is just yearning for a rest
for blue to overtake it and beautiful stars to fill it up.
it doesn't know it yet,
but i know that
its only going to be a few moments
before the starlight comes and this part of the sky
is more beautiful than its ever been.

last night i watched this happen in the sky yet again.
but this time it was different.
my life, as of late, has been a bit stuck in that white, stretching position.
when all i can really see is the moutains
or the big things ahead of me that are going to be hard.
and i'm just waiting for a rest. for stars to fill me up
and for things to be more beautiful than they ever were before.

what i don't realize is that the first stars to pop up
are the smallest ones.
the ones you can barely see
but the ones that make everything most beautiful.
you have to open your eyes wide to find them
but they inevitably do come.

he sent me a scripture last night,
i read it and i felt rest in my soul
and peace in my heart.
she took me for a drive
and we listened to taylor swift
and the tears that had been welling for so long,
finally came out.
she sent me a text
about space and the moon
and about how thats what friends are for.
i talked to her on the phone
and she listened to me
and i listened to her. and i worried about someone else for a change.
i got to see my darling hawaiian via skype,
she did a hula dance for me
and told me she missed me a lot.

my sky is filling right up with little stars.
little stars blinking and reminding me that the nighttime will come.
that things will be beautiful once again
that the mountains are not big enough to stop me.
and that stretching only makes more room for more blessings.

God knew what He was doing,
filling up that sky with things for me to learn from.

"happy is the heart that still feels
pain."
love, laura

one of those.

2011-10-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

one of those
when everything you previously thought
was pulled out of your heart on a 4 hour drive.
one of those
when you know something is wrong
and there's no need to talk about it
so all you can do is wait for the tears that are stinging your
eyes to come out and make an appearance.
one of those
when you facebook stalk people that you miss.
and it doesn't make anything easier like you thought.
and you're starting to forget what their voice sounds like.
one of those
when bad things happen to good people.
like your best friend sending off her missionary
and you can't be there to help.
and your other best friend finding out her
mom is sick.
and you can't do anything.
and your family is mad and crying.
and you're stuck.
and somethings making him sad
but you don't know what it is.
one of those
when you're not really sure if anything
is gonna go how you planned it out in life
even just how you planned it out 3 days ago.
one of those
when it was too cloudy to see your favorite moon.
one of those

"and i know the shape of your hands
cause i watch them when you talk."
love, laura

1,2,3,4,5,6,7.

2011-10-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

well, the lovely kimberly tagged me,
so i guess i'll participate in this little activity.

7 things you might not know about me?

1. i just recently started piano lessons. at 19 years of age.
i can successfully play one primary song. :)

2. i got my first kiss when i was just a few months shy of 16.
its one of my biggest regrets, not waiting till i was of age.

3. the 4th of july is my favorite holiday.

4. last night, i had a dream that i saw astronauts getting ready to launch.
yes, i cried.

5. i hate money. and i can't spend it.

6. he is, in fact, one year younger than i.

7. i like corners. like the corners of rooms. i like to stand in them.
nose facing corner. is that weird?

and hey, go take a look at that moon.
its lighting up the whole sky.
i'm simply smitten with it.

"favoritism aint my thing, but in this situation,
i'd be game to make an exception."
love, laura

if they feel like participating,
i tag...shelbie, jamie, abigail

on my mind.

2011-10-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

the daytime drives
and the sweaters.
the name that's made up
of five letters.
a bench and a pond
at my favorite park.
and waiting to look at the stars
when its dark.
he drives too fast
and i curl up in my chair.
he laughs when i motion
"slow down" in the air.
she slept on my floor
the night that was last.
we talked about everything
mostly the past.
of all the voices that
people let sing.
hers make tears fall and
every thing.
people always come on the day
that you need them.
God puts them there so you
can try to read them.
we've been waiting for a few weeks to
hear the news.
she got the letter today
and she'll follow my shoes.
he filled up her gas tank
and let her stay in the car.
i don't know if any greater
boys there are.
i told him a secret the day
we first met.
sometimes i get worried he
might start to forget.

but being scared is never the answer to be.
cause love fills your heart up,
it makes you feel free.

Hey Morg, i miss you.
love, laura

for the bad days.

2011-10-06T23:47:00.000-07:00

she didn't even know it was a bad day.

i know the best people the world has to offer.
and that's true.
i'm glad God knows who you need.

"and promise not to promise anymore."
love, laura

i inhaled.

2011-10-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

and it was cold.
and
i remember being little
him taking me on walks.
he loved autumn.
we would walk, just he and i. my little hand in his.
him raving about the colors of the leaves.
i'd say, "daddy, what kind of a tree is that?
what flower is that?
why do the leaves change?
why are they falling?..."
either he really knew everything
or he made it up.
either way, i was fooled. and he had me wrapped around his finger.
he used to tell me that i would know it was fall
when i took the first inhale and the cold came inside.
not just in my mouth, but all the way down to my lungs.
he used to say, "this is sweater weather" with a big smile on his face,
he'd wear his sweatshirts with his shorts
sandals with socks.
how he looked meant nothing to him.
he'd sing me songs.
primary songs usually.
but sometimes ones he made up
about me and the leaves.

there came a day when red leaves weren't good enough.
life became more of everything of no worth.
and less of everything that mattered.
less to none of each other.
i try not to relive it too much.
no matter how many times it replays in your mind.
sometimes empty spaces, will always stay empty.

my life is beautiful. and i don't mean to complain.

its been almost two years.
but it still gets hard to breathe when the leaves start to fall.

and the tears like to fall with them.

"its so quiet in the world tonight"
love, laura

today my mama said,

2011-09-29T18:09:00.000-07:00

"girls never know how good they deserve,
until they've gotten one who's as good as they deserve."

hearts put up with a lot of things.
a lot of different boys walk in and out of them.
and some time between the walking in and the walking out
an adventure happens.
some hearts just want an adventure. any adventure they can get.
some hearts try and get an adventure that was better than the last one.
some hearts get the best thing the first time around and won't let it walk out.
and some hearts let the wrong thing walk in and out over and over again
because its all they've known,
and its what they've come to believe is all that they should ever know.
and then some hearts find a simply average adventure,
and believe that its good enough to keep forever.
to this heart, the occasional laughter and cute deed
are worth the white lying, and the awkward tension, and the confusion too.

most hearts, i would assume
have gone through almost every one of these stages.
and then one day
he walks in and you have an adventure
the rarest most beautiful kind of adventure.
the kind of adventure where your heart is happy
all the time.
and you know, with all your heart and soul that he'd do anything
to see you happy.
and what he says is what he means.
and he'll be the one that'll be sending you off to bed while he does laundry for you.
he'll accept that you don't understand football
and attend an opera with you if that's what you want.
and he'll love that your feet rub together when you sleep at night
and that they are a size 5.
and that you're OCD about the way you walk on the sidewalk
and that you talk too much.
that one of your highest aspirations is to set foot on the moon.
he'll never make you feel inadequate
because you're not.
he'll remind you he's lucky to have you
because he is.

and when you find one like that,
you'll never go back.
and if you haven't found one like that,
keep looking.
because that one adventure will be worth every single average-ordinary adventure your heart has had before.

"cause i love the way you say good morning, & you
take me the way i am."
love, laura

cheers.

2011-09-26T12:57:00.000-07:00

to the best weekend ever experienced.
i'm 19. i cried at first.
but a cute boy brought me a space book
and he brought a dark haired girl whom i worhship.
and two of the most beautiful girls i've ever met
showed up with a lion birthday card and
a well dressed cupcake.
my brother took me on a date
to a place with lots of meat.
and i love meat.
a lot.
and i had to sit on a saddle.
and the best woman made my dreams come true.
yes folks, that lovely thing in those pictures are indeed ACTUAL floating lanterns!
set off with a few of my most favorite peeps.
have i ever been happier?
the answer would have to be
a resounding no.
there was the wedding.
and best friends
who dressed very classy.
and a couple of matching outfits.
a bench swing and a birthday card.
and a walk on the moon.
and a space shirt.
in which pluto is included.
i'm so happy.

to all who made it possible,
thanks.

long live pluto.

"why can't every day be just
this good?"
love, laur

the first one,

2011-09-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

i haven't told you
but once i was a 15 year old girl.
he was 15 too.
we fell fast and we fell hard.
we were each others first romance.
he was the first one
the first one that ever made my heart race.
the first one that ever gave me chills
& in the end
the first one that ever broke my heart.
it ended
& for lack of a better term, it ended badly.
i felt tiny. insignificant. stupid. ugly. starving. miserable. you name it.
i cried for months.
it was messy. it was hard. & i vowed to never give my heart to another human ever again.
because of the ugliness of the situation, we stopped communication entirely.
we didn't come within feet of each other.
i pretended like i didn't know who he was & he did the same.
we were strangers. & thats how it had to be.
it ended without a goodbye.
without a thank you.
it just ended.

i never thought i'd get over it.
i plowed through each day & went through the painful process of having my heart heal.
& listening to my mom say, "these things just take time".

i don't remember when or how it happened
but one day, the suffering was over.
i was over it.
i wasn't scared of him.
& i felt more freed than i'd ever felt.

last night we spoke for the first time in years.
we talked about everything.
he said what he had to say
& so did i.

& i learned right then that i was strong.
that i really was completely and utterly a different person than i was back then.
& that i wouldn't be who i am now if he hadn't of hurt me.
& i'm honestly grateful that he did.
i wouldn't have met the people i met.
experienced what i've experienced
& most importantly
i wouldn't have had enough faith to endure other trials.

because of the first one,
i was strong enough to make it through my family falling apart.
& my heart being broken other times.
& all the other things i've had to go through.

it taught me that even when i'm in the bottom of the ocean
& i can't breathe,
i WILL eventually make it up to the top again if i keep swimming.

& that could be one of the most valuable lessons i've learned in my short lifetime.

i'm so grateful that God knows what He's doing.
& to know that one day i'll look back at all of my hard days and be grateful for what i've learned.

& i'm thankful for the first one.

what an amazing thing life is.

"& all the things that break you, are the things
that make you strong."
love, laura

some things i wish

2011-09-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

i could write on the palm of my hand
and hold onto them so tight.
and that every time i got scared and started to forget
i could look down and open up my palm
and remember exactly how i felt at exactly the right moment.

i'd write about this.
about sitting here for days with puffy cheeks.
how many times i've been laying here thinking,
"once i can eat again, i'm going to enjoy every chomp of real food i take.
and i'm gonna start working out too.
and i'm gonna eat carrots.
and smile a lot."

i'd write about the day i spent with my brother at byu.
how we laughed and
talked about getting rich and sharing a backyard when we were older.
because i knew that day that no matter what happened
he'd always be my best friend.
and we'd always have each other.

i'd write about that afternoon
when that boy hugged me so tight
and i could literally feel all the worry and the happy. and the feeling of hanging
onto something you cared about so much. and something that might go away from you
too soon.

i'd write about the swings in the summer
and looking at the sky
and knowing without a shadow of a doubt that God can make anything work out.

i'd write about running in the canyon.
finishing the whole trail
and feeling unstoppable.

i'd write about laying in that bed in new york city.
talking till 4 in the morning
exhausted, laughing, and inexpressibly happy.

unfortunately i can't keep things in my palm
i can't hold onto them for dear life.
but the beautiful thing about life is that when something comes to an end
if it touched your heart the right amount of deep,
you'll never forget
and all the senses of your memories will be more stunning.
and you'll hear every word
and feel every touch
and you'll never forget.

and if by some chance,
something happens and you do,
i bet when you pass away
God gives you a blue box
and its full of beautiful beautiful memories
and all the lessons you learned from them.
i sure hope so.

"how you'd kiss me when i was in the
middle of saying something"
love, laura

well, hi.

2011-09-08T10:42:00.000-07:00

one: thank you for following this lovely. it boosts my self-esteem :)
2: well, mother informed me that i will probably be getting my wisdom teeth out this weekend.
i don't enjoy this news.
mostly because i enjoy my wisdom.
also because i don't want my cheeks to be large.

ThRee: i've been thinking that you can throw up out of your mouth
and kiss a boy with the same mouth
on the same day.
don't be grossed out.
it happens.

4.4.4: sometimes my soon-to-be-brother-in-law comes in through the garage door
while i'm working from home.
when i work from home
i sometimes wear my shorty shorts and a large v-neck.
to the innocent bystander (my brother-in-law)
it looks as though i passed on wearing pants today.
whoops.

five: the wildcat is coming home.

6. fall is coming. i appreciate fall.
in fact, my date of birth is like the 1st real day of fall. i think.
unfortunately though, fall is short
and winter is brutal.
and i only have cute clothes for warm weather.

seventh. Thomas S. Monson is obsessed with pigeons.
if that doesn't make you love him more
i don't know what will.

eight8: i got asked to go out to dinner tonight
with a woman who i look up to more than anyone really knows.

and another one and i are going on a movie date on saturday.

and also: don't worry. i date boys too.

"if you have a minute why don't we go
talk about it somewhere only
we know."
love, laura

for the love.

2011-09-05T21:03:00.000-07:00

he has speckled knees
a lot of the time he squeaks at the end of his sentences.
he has a high pitched giggle that tingles my feet.
he wears an indian shirt on special occasions.
he rings my doorbell and then stands on the edge of my porch
facing the other way.
he sends me scriptures when i'm sad.
he comes over when i'm not home and talks to my family.
every time i look at him he's smiling at me.
he makes me feel like me.
the real me.
the me thats the best kind of me.

and he'll do the right thing.
always.
and he'll put whats most important in front of everything else.
always.
and i trust him.

today we cried.
i wish i would've told him how i felt.

"run far away
so i can breathe.
even though you're far from suffocating me."
love, laura

it might be time to rename the blog

2011-09-02T12:59:00.001-07:00

to "my life as a super senior"

right now my social life isn't its peachiest. mostly because
everyone else gets to grow up
except me. i still have 4 more months.
so, that happened.
and i get quite bored.

and i vowed never to do anything like this.
but when a cute boy asks you to go to a soccer game
and you really have no excuse not to go
except that you feel like a complete idiot
what can you do?
here's a glimpse of my first super senior activity.

i first got a pep talk
from my virtual friend.

after which, i was all ready to go.
he came and picked me up and i hid behind my hair.
i said "i'm so embarrassed" a total of 12 times
just in the car ride over.

when people asked me why i was there i said,
"to support CaLea."
CaLea doesn't really know me at all.
but it helped me feel less creepy.

at one point we were sitting behind
some lovlies and they were saying,
"we should ban super seniors,
they are the worst."
he said, "guys, i think you're hurting her feelings."
they laughed and said,
"ohh yeah..except you, laura, except you."

after which,
i resorted to taking creepy pictures on my phone
and vowed, yet again, to never attend another high school
activity.

the student section. aerial view.

the bald spot on my little friend's head.

my favorite speckled knees.

and then i ran away back home.

and rewarded myself to a caramel brownie.
i deserved it
i'd been working hard.
and thus was my first
and last
super senior adventure.

"i wanna run through the halls of
my high school. I wanna scream at the top of my lungs."
love, laura

please.

2011-08-30T00:13:00.000-07:00

accept who you are.
say how you feel.
just be nice.
be genuine in everything you do.
fall in love.
be honest.
keep your promises.
respect your elders.
respect your peers.
learn from your mistakes & never repeat them.
be in tune with your body and it's needs.
call up an old friend.
if you miss him, tell him
& go ahead and call him just to hear his voice.
if you love him, tell him.
remember that you are a child of God.
overplay your favorite song.
go ahead and cry about everything.
laugh whenever you can.
be better tomorrow than you were today.
enjoy meeting someone new.
remember all those you met before.
don't forget to say "good morning" even when the mornings make you groggy.
spend some time in the sunshine every day.
pray your little heart out.
sit on a lawn chair and watch the sky.
if you think someone has pretty eyes, tell them.
& if even if there's no one else, remember to trust God.
love everyone.
learn to love yourself.
& embrace it all.
& breathe
through your nose, if you will.
its better for your brain.

"what if i fall
further than you?"
love, laura

i walked up &

2011-08-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

he stepped out of the car and smiled,

"hug me."
and finally, it was all ok.

"maybe i think you're cute
& funny."
love, laur

lessons of a weekend.

2011-08-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

on saturday
i four-wheeled through a mountain
(almost killed myself and the boy on back)
i repelled down a real life cliff.
i rode on a very big horse
and felt very tall
its name was quicksilver
and i nearly fell off of it a million times.
i made some new friends
i got a dirty face.
and i learned that sometimes you fall for someone
much further than you had ever anticipated.

on sunday
i went to church
i wore big feather earrings
i wore leopard print shoes
i felt pretty exotic.
i couldn't pay attention
i had a hole in my stomach and sore muscles.
i watched her drive away.
i learned that nothing makes your heart hurt more
than saying goodbye.

and that i sure do hate that bed being made.

today
i got my hair blonded
i cried
i worked and worked and worked.
i checked my phone a million times.
i got scared
i cried.
i learned that new adventures aren't always
so exciting.

i went for a bike ride.
i was alone
and the sky was beautiful
i came home and i got some hands placed on my head.
i was told i'm doing exactly what i need to.
it has never felt so good to hear words ever before in my entire life.
i learned that prayers never go unanswered.

i went and laid on a tramp and looked at space
i saw 3 shooting stars.
to you that might mean nothing

but today
i learned again
that God sure does love me.

because no one else know how much
a shooting star means to me.

"my loves too big for you,
my love."
love, laura

my dear sassafras,

2011-08-12T18:28:00.000-07:00

i love you.
thanks for making me better
for learning with me
and growing with me
and sleeping in my room.
for sunsets
and nuggets
and "life is so pretty right now."
and "o."
and closet doors and lights out.

be safe,
be good,
be happy.
i miss you far too much.

"don't know how long its gonna
take to feel ok but
i know that i had the best day with you
today."
love, laur

the truth is,

2011-08-09T19:06:00.000-07:00

and we are

NOT
cheese
now, are we?

"and he can change the world with
his hands behind his back
oh."
love, laur

its weird.

2011-08-08T16:46:00.000-07:00

that my mouth is full of words
that never
ever
come out right.

and a heart can be so happy to have found him
and so scared to leave him
at the same time.

that saying "see you later"
makes you feel so much better than saying "goodbye".

how sleeping alone
with an unmade bed on the other side of the room
can make you cry.

how i feel like i'm so full of
confusion inside my tummy
that i don't want to put jeans on.
i'm scared they won't fit around it.

how close everything is to falling
apart
or how close it is
to falling together.

how he probably thinks i'm kidding.
but i'm actually very serious.

and that i want to live in a teepee.

"but it sure felt nice when he was
holding my hand."
love, laur

for the one everyone secretly wants to marry.

2011-08-03T12:32:00.001-07:00

its been a long time since i first set eyes upon this cute boy.
it started a little something like this
"hello, my name is laura, i think you're friends with some boys i know"
"uh hey, i'm parker"
"lets be friends."

i went to a park with him
this past eve
and sat on a bench for a few hours.
we talked about everything and everyone
under the sun.
i looked at him and my heart just filled right up with complete joy
and a smile spread right across my face.
by the end of our talk my cheeks were sore.

and i said "thank heavens i know this boy."

for all those nights and days we look up to those heavens and wonder
why these boys just don't get it,
why they have to be little nasties sometimes.
why why why?

and then they get a mission call
and for some of them
it doesn't change a thing.

and for others
suddenly life becomes more important than
all the fuzz.
they want to be more
they want to treat you like you are more.
and you can see the sunshine coming right out of em.

here's to that special little orange haired boy.
here's to 4 years of being there for me.
here's to "honestly..."
and maybe a little bluntness.
here's to sharing birthday parties
and for being stuck in corners together.
here's to a little green truck parked in front of the house
that we're all gonna miss so much.
here's to laughing till your tummy hurts
and making everyone feel like they're his favorite person.
for being him
and no one else.

and here's to him being a missionary.

God speed, elder.
i'm sure gonna miss you a lot. :)

"i'm a hustler baby"
love, laura

the real deal.

2011-08-01T00:21:00.000-07:00

my sister is engaged. to a wonderful
boy.
i've never seen her happier in my entire life.
its been hard for me.
harder than it is supposed to be.
i tell them all,
"its just hard to give up your sister
you know? things will
never be the same."
while thats all true,
there's this very large problem i have going on inside of my heart.
its a problem i often pretend is long gone from me.
this part of my heart is called,
"mostly, i just don't really
trust men."
i believe that she is honestly
in love with this guy.
i believe he is honestly in love with her.
but i just can't let it go
right now.

its hard to give your heart away
but its even harder to watch someone else
give their's away.

"he broke his own heart and i watched as he tried to reassemble
it."
love, laura

isn't it beautiful outside?

2011-07-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

blue sky
baby ducks
mama ducks
bridges
rivers
butterflies
funny picture messages
picnic benches
fishermen
and a cute boy.

sounds like a good day to me.

"if we were children i would bake you a mud pie
warm and brown beneath the sun"
love, laura

for no particular reason

2011-07-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

i drew you a picture :)

today i'm running away
i've almost never been more excited for anything.
i don't know why,
i have nothing to run away from
but i can't wait.
there's something so interesting
about leaving your house and going somewhere new
or somewhere familiar
just somewhere else.
it makes you feel alive
and forgetful
of all the confusion you've been in.
new interests,
new favorite places to be,
more places you'd like to go one day with your significant other.
most of all it sets you free
free to live and forget everything else
free to enjoy your family,
because you may of may not blow them off way too much...
free to forget the cell phone.
and to just lay on a hammock and breathe.
and laugh of course
you always have to laugh.
it makes you realize who's most important
because those are the people
that you miss most.

"and it hurts to want everything and nothing
at the same time."
love, laura

a lovely little tale.

2011-07-26T15:44:00.000-07:00

one day she went to work
nothing new
just like any other day.
sat in her cubicle
just another day at work.
he turned the corner and played
with a little trinket she had on her desk.
he introduced himself
she introduced herself.
they started going through this same
routine just about every day.
he'd come mess with something on her desk

she would laugh
they would talk.

and guess what?
these two peeps are now getting married.

congrats, sis.

love, laura

no need.

2011-07-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

"let us
ride our own orbits and trust
that they will meet.
may our reunion be not a finding,
but a
sweet collision of
destinies."
--jerry spinelli

we don't need to make
anything happen.
for if its supposed to.
it most definitely will.

love, laura

this night.

2011-07-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

we were sweaty and gross
hopping off the tandem.
i pushed the door open and heard the beep.
we said hi
i put my foot on the counter.
he handed us water cups.
we sat in the corner.
i watched him clean the tables
i smiled.
i really can't help it.
he looked at me and i felt it.
that headache build up in my forehead
and my throat coiling up.
i looked at her
across the table
and i didn't know what to do.

i know that its coming.
he's staying home.
she's going to school.
i don't start school till the bitter month of january.

we escaped.
we rode up a hill
huffing and puffing along.
that boy drove by in his car
rolled down the window and yelled.
typical.
i ache.
not only in my poor frail legs (embarrassing)
but inside
i know he's the one i miss most.

is it so bad
that i just want to cry?
and i can't.

i'm no good at goodbye.
love, laura

the in-between.

2011-07-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

so here i am
no longer in high school
not yet in college
and having the best summer of my short little life.
i refer to this time as "the in-between"
i love it.
so much to look behind and smile about
so much to look forward to.

life is so good.
if he's holding you back,
let him go.
if your happy doing something
make more time for that thing.
read a book.
watch a cheesy chick flick.
get so low on gas that you have to fill up your car
with the lawnmower's fluids.
go on walks with your brother and your best friend.
and most of all
listen to all of your mother's loooong advice sessions.

one day you'll really need it.

go live your summer. before its all over :)

love, laur

mark my words.

2011-07-17T23:50:00.000-07:00

one day i'm gonna go to thailand.
and i'm gonna see those floating lanterns gleam.

my heart is so happy right now :)

love, laur-laur

thank you hannah kroes.
for letting me know that these puppies actually exist.

my tummy and my bum hurt.

2011-07-17T23:34:00.000-07:00

you read that right, peeps.

love, laur

the peephole to my week.

2011-07-13T16:31:00.000-07:00

sometimes i get confused.

my eyes are even crossed when i say "confused" these days.
is that weird?
anyways.

first off. if you see white flakes in my head,
i'm peeling.
not dandruff.
lets hope anyways.

second off. i am, quite literally, dying to see hp7p2. (i'm so proud you all know what that means)

third. sometimes i hate provo.

fourth. i'm dreading, DREADING august.

fifth. my little sister has cuter pants than me.

sixth. one big spoon on a tramp = warmth.
seventh. is it rude to call someone sassafras?

eighth. if someone calls me laura ingalls one more time.
or worse. lora ingalls.

ninth. tuesdays with morrie? mm. good stuff.

tenth. i still have the basketball book. don't plan on giving it back anytime soon.

is that stealing?

eleventh. i don't remember what it feels like to kiss someone.
and every time i hear that people have kissed
i'm in a stupor of thought for awhile
thinking how weird it is that people still do that.

haha

love, laura.

is it awful?

2011-07-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

that for the majority of my life
i've had a secret desire
-maybe not SO secret desire-
to look like her?

ehem.

or just be her.
whatevs.

love, laura

he.

2011-07-10T12:21:00.000-07:00

he's cute.
real cute.
and he's the one you'd like to run around with.
who you'd like to pick flowers with.
and catch some butterflies
maybe catch some in your stomachs too.
he's the one you can lay on the ground with
and talk about space
and about God
and about life.
he's the one who'll always be there
who knows that you can be dramatic
and emotional
and who loves you still.
he's the one who's sure of things
before he acts
or sure of how he feels
before he says anything.
who doesn't drag you around so he can have security.
he's the one who sets you free
who lets you be you and lets him be him.
the one who doesn't need to be alone with you
to show that he cares about you.
who brings out the sunshine that was already inside you.

love, laur

6 or 7 weeks.

2011-07-05T10:40:00.001-07:00

isn't it great to have a day
to look at that beautiful
lit up sky
and think about how blessed we are
to be here?

God bless america
land that i love.

in case you're wondering
the fourth is my favorite holiday.

and i can honestly say,
that life has almost never been better.
we have 7 weeks.
7 weeks and my brother goes to school
and my sister gets married
and shelb will leave
(but we don't talk about that)
and we all have to try and grow up.
and nothing will ever be the same.
but for 7 short weeks
we've all got each other.
and its the most beautiful time in my life.

go family.

love, laura

this weekend.

2011-07-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

i sat on a bridge
and we talked.
and on the drive home
we listened to that cd that is stuck
and he rapped.
and i laughed.

love, laura

gordon.

2011-06-30T11:57:00.000-07:00

this is my caterpillar
his name is gordon.
sorry you can't see him very good in this picture.
actually, sorry you can't see him
at all
in this picture.
i don't know if he's dead
or if he is cacooning.
but i hope its the latter.

love, laura

sometimes i feel so small.

2011-06-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes i lay on the pavement
and i look that the sky
and i think about outer space.
welp,
here's the thing
i'm kind of a freak about space.
it amazes me that there are billions and billions and trillions
and zillions of miles of things out there.
that i'm laying on the warm ground and the world is actually moving.
that even though the stars look like they are all the same distance away
some are closer to me
and some are farther away.
that some of them are planets
and some of them are satellites.
and that i can be staring at the same sky
that someone in new york can be looking at
and we're really that far away from each other still.
i feel like it connects us all.
and spreads us all out.
it makes me feel small
yet still apart of the greatest thing.

and that,
is my secret obsession.
how embarrassing :)

love, laura

don't you know?

2011-06-24T10:11:00.000-07:00

i don't know how you did it.
but sometimes,

and by "sometimes"
i mean
more than sometimes.

i can't get you out of my mind.

and i miss you.
love, laura

hey

2011-06-21T23:49:00.000-07:00

that's your heart in there.
protect it.
i know
i know
it beats really fast and it wants to be held.
but its worth it
its worth it to keep it inside.
cause one day
you might want it back.

love, laura

new romantic

2011-06-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

i'll always be your first love.
and you'll always be my first love.

love, laura

keep it simple.

2011-06-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

"build it out of driftwood
keep it simple
simple is good."
-always remember me - ry cummings.

i decided that i think
girls think that love is hard.
and that if it isn't hard
it isn't real.

i think that love should be work
yes
but not hard.
i think it should feel like breathing.
like sunshine.
it should be simple.
like your heartbeat.
it should be the inhale before your laughter
and the silence that means more than words
the kind that makes you smile instead of fidget.
it should be light
and help you see things clearer.

it should be that person who makes you feel happy with who you are
but still inspires you to be better.

thats what i think.

love, laura

here's the thing.

2011-06-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

i'm learning to forget
those things that bring me down
and pack up the ones that really matter
so they can come with me wherever
i go.

its nice to know i can leave the old
nonsense behind.

you're lovely.

love, laura

there's my brother.

2011-06-11T15:32:00.001-07:00

best day of my life, peeps.

love, laura

friendship.

2011-06-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

friendship is between you and someone else.
its staying up late and sharing secrets.
its swinging on swings.
its notes on your car and
giving you hope along the way.
its "he doesn't deserve you"
and "come on laur, get it together."
its a party for a late graduate
and a smile in the hallway.
its a text to say "i've been thinking about you"
and a drive.
friendship is dancing
its running away to the canyon.
its a crying shoulder
and a hug you can count on.
its swimming till your arms hurt
and laughing till you can't breathe anymore.
most of all friendship is people.
friendship is you making me feel like i can be better.
its knowing you expect a lot
and me expecting a lot in return.
friendship is putting someone else's feelings before your own.
its taking the time to
listen
pray
love
hug
cry
girl scream
disagree
and everything else you can think of.
and so, here's a thank you.

to the girls who save me every day.

hannah, shulb, jamie, mikelle, ari, tori, natalie, janene, emily, jenoa,
jess, michelle, mama, lis and annie. and many more.

you do WAY too much for me.

love, laura

can't believe i haven't told you before.

2011-06-07T15:58:00.001-07:00

check out this man.

this
is andrew warren cottrell.
this
is my best friend.
this
is my missionary brother.
and this
is coming home in

3 MORE DAYS

i can't contain it.

love, laura

oops.

2011-06-06T13:15:00.001-07:00

welp
sometimes i have moments
that would be considered very embarrassing.
well.

on graduation night, you take off your robe
and you give it to the nice boy who puts it in a box
and then you walk away and forget about it.

or if your name is laura,
you take off your robe and your dress is undone
and that sweet little boy sees the entire left side of your bod.
that's cool.

note to self.
wrap dresses?
not the best idea on graduation.

love, laura

and to the cave i love so much.

2011-06-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

here comes the sap.

remember the years of elementary school?
we played tag
and slid down the slides.
the boys played on one side of the playgroud
and the girls on the other.
i had a boyfriend whom
i never heard speak
our friends would belay messages
between us for one another.
i broke up with him
because i didn't want to be tied down.
(i was in 5th grade. and an idiot haha)
remember those seniors? couldn't wait to get old and mature like them.

remember junior high?
remember laughing and making friends with the boys.
laying on the couch and watching
hannah montana on friday nights
because me and jamie were the only ones
who couldn't hang out with boys.
remember getting rides everywhere?
remember coming home at 10?
remember wishing you were out of school already
and you still had "soooo many years left!"?
remember awkward? who am i? who are you? and
what do you think of me?
remember those seniors? they had it all figured out.

remember sophomore year?
turning 16 and dating.
remember first kisses?
and getting your license?
and the boys were oh so cute.
remember your first heart break?
how you vowed to "never love again"? haha.
remember the seniors? they looked so big.

remember being a junior?
you thought you had it all figured out.
stuck in the middle.
remember falling in love with your best friend?
remember being rude to a boy who liked you very much?
remember finding yourself?
not caring what you looked like
or who liked you.
remember dad? remember what happened?
and finding some of the best of friends
in the midst of that storm?
remember how back then you couldn't cry?
and remember those seniors? they seemed so old.

and now you're a senior.
if only for a few more hours.
remember the boy you can't get over?
and how you cry almost every day now?
how your heart has been broken
and put back together
almost every week?
remember laughing
laughing more than you've ever laughed your whole life?
remember finding joy in the little things?
and really appreciating a beautiful day?
remember giving up on homework?
and studying for tests?
not one of your best choices
remember your friends?
driving to their houses at 1 in the morning
and reflecting on all the things you've learned?
remember that night on ari's couch? when you realized
that your girl friends were the only ones that would be
there forever.
remember the drives? the stars?
the dances?
and almost failing every class at one point? :)
remember the young ones who made your day?
remember how at the end we were all friends?
and remember that we were the seniors
and we aren't big
or old and we
don't have anything figured out.

and as i'm sitting here
bawling at my computer
i just want to say that i
HAVE had the time of my life.
and i owe it all to my dear cave
and to the caveman inside of it.

love, laura

wisdom.

2011-05-29T00:53:00.000-07:00

"i knew with Gordon i would never come first,
because he had already dedicated his life to
the Lord.
i decided that was just fine with me."
-Marjorie pay hinckley.

and that, my peeps,
is a winner.

love, laura

i'm in joy.

2011-05-28T23:52:00.000-07:00

you see,
i know these two adorable young ones.
and they have fallen for one another.
and also
my older sister has fallen in love
with a boy.
and i can feel the summertime in the air.
and you know?
i'm happy.
am i in a cute-lovey-"oh he might kiss me" stage of life?
oh no, farthest thing from it.
but i'm content tonight
(granted yesterday i wasn't and tomorrow i might
not be either)
but
i love love.
and i love people in love.
and one day i'd like to believe there'll be a boy who
loves me a whole lot.
and i'll say "hey.
i love you back"
and then i'll tell you all about it.
until then,

keep telling me your love stories.

and i'm sorry all i ever write about is love.

love, laura

remember me, please?

2011-05-25T21:52:00.001-07:00

can't you feel it in the air?
we're almost done.
people are crying.
people are smiling.
and people are letting go.
i can feel the shift.

you wanna know a secret?
i have a fear of being forgotten.
of having years of memories and long talks
and laughing, dancing and standing on feet
and then being just another girl.
because that's where life takes you
and it happens
and you're fine.
but nothing scares me more.
because that's why bad things happen
and people leave
and call it quits
because they forget.
they forget the amazing person sitting in front of them
and they run away.

please remember me?

love, laura

i ran away.

2011-05-19T20:49:00.000-07:00

tonight i ran away.
i went to a park with swings.
and i swung on a swing.
in the pouring rain.
and i sat there swinging
i started crying.
i asked why dads leave their families.
why the love of his wife and kids isn't good enough.
and why people are hungry and dying.
why people are selfish.
and why everything that should be easy is so complicated.
i asked why the sky was so sad today.
and why i couldn't forget those memories.
and i swung higher and higher and cried and cried.
after awhile
it got dark and
i started to shiver
and also,
i was mildly scared of getting stolen...
so i went into my car and drove to a beautiful place.
very luckily, i had my special book with me.
and i re-read one of my favorites,

"Believe in God; believe that He is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend." -Mosiah 4:9

trust in Him.
ask Him.
you will get answers. :)

love, laur

sorry i have to.

2011-05-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

rapunzel: ...i was just...scared, but the thing is, i'm not scared anymore. you know what i mean?
flynn: i think i'm starting to.
and grab the hand.
and feel the butterflies.
ahh :)

i know everyone loves tangled.
but i think its safe to say that
very few
if any
could love it as much as i do.
my day is no longer complete without it.

my nightly routine?

1. shower.
2. scriptures.
3. homework.
4. tangled. (even if its only enough time for one scene!)
5. prayers.
6. sleep.

i know its sad.
but that movie gives me hope.
one day, i'll have a boy who takes me on a boat
to see something beautiful
but while we're there
all he really looks at is me.
and he looks at me how eugene
looks at rapunzel.
and it will be oh so genuine.
and i won't be scared of boys anymore
because i finally found one i could trust.

go watch it peeps. and think about your future boy :)

love, laura

ps. yes red. the pascal pic is for you. :)

who would've thought?

2011-05-18T17:40:00.001-07:00

sometimes
wonderful people come into your life.
ones that have scared you silly.
and you say "hello, i'm sorry, you used to be a freight in my life"
and they say "hey there, i'm sorry too"
and then guess what?
you are connected.
the stars line right up and say
"laura you lucky girl, this is a new friend"
i thank the heavens for her.

let us never underestimate the healing of
telling someone how you honestly feel.
every person has something beautiful to offer to you and your life.
isn't that amazing?

thank you honesty. it never does fail.

love, laura

sanctuary.

2011-05-17T17:26:00.001-07:00

sometimes

i just feel quite empty.
emptiness is my least favorite kind of feeling.
its like missing your best friend
or getting soggy moccasins from the rain
when your hair looks stringy
and your make up is smeared.
oh an you forgot to wear mascara.
and a new zit on your chin.
its like a tight throat
that really just wants you to cry.

so you go to the temple.
and its clean and happy in there.
and the best part?
your throat can let you cry
because no one thinks you're dumb for crying.
and its a sanctuary.
in fact, its home.

what a blessing.
just go. you'll be glad you did. :)

love, laura

oh also.

2011-05-14T23:47:00.001-07:00

people are too nice. :)
i love them.

love, laur

get ready.

2011-05-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

listen.

sometimes we're stuck in a rage of thought
over one thing
that we surely can't let go of.

one day you wake up.

you say "no more games"
and trust God that everything will turn out how it needs to.

and you let go.

and you are free.

a free little bird.
happy as can be.

get ready world
here she comes.

love, laura

weekends and winners.

2011-05-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

on friday
yes friday
i went to the senior dinner dance.
and well,
it was perfect.
i had a great realization.
or two.
and also
mass sleepover at jessica's hut = win.

on saturday
i went on the swings.
remember how that is my favorite thing?
i made three little lovelies come with me.
a fourth and fifth lovely joined.
its funny how you can be so...scared of someone
and then realize that the two of you
could actually maybe be the best of friends.
fear is a dumb thing.
but i'm glad i was blessed with the chance to speak with this one.
she's great.

also the red head and i laid in a field.
and almost got kidnapped.
and then she slept at my house.

on sunday
my brother called me
yes the one in new york.
and he's coming home in a month :)
fetch yes.

i know what you're thinking
laura, when is this going to get sappy?
now.

don't be scared.
don't be scared to talk to a new friend.
don't be scared of laying in a field at midnight.
don't be scared of awkward questions. sometimes boys are just weird.
don't be scared of yelling "NBD" when it really is a BD.
and most of all
don't be scared of letting go.

also. i love you mom.
you're the strongest person i've ever known.
i hope i'm just like you when i grow up.

love, laur

i believe.

2011-05-03T22:17:00.000-07:00

for english the past few days i've had to go throughout my life
and write down all the things i believe in.
here it is.

i believe in travel.
seeing the world.
it changes you.

i believe in second chances.
but i don't always believe in third ones.

i believe in love, the kind that lasts forever.

i believe in trees, oxygen and protecting them.

i believe that everyone is beautiful.

i believe that pain heals you.

i believe that i don't know everything. or even close to everything.

i believe in shooting stars.

i believe in communication.

i believe in signs.

i believe there's good in everyone.

i believe in laughter.

i believe in peace.
peace for the world.
pieces of cake.
and peace in your heart.

i believe in warm showers and hopping in bed.

i believe in kisses
but only when you mean them.

i believe that a little prayer and a little faith can do anything.

i believe in my Heavenly Father and in Jesus Christ.

i believe in late night phone calls.

i believe that lack of sleep makes me cranky.

i believe that one day, i'll forget my bad days.

i believe in yoga, the cello, and trail mix.

i believe that when you marry someone,
you never betray them.
ever.

i believe that my future family will work.

i believe that love is security.

i believe that jealousy is my worst trait.

i believe that fears are meant to be overcome.

i believe in little girls with big dreams.

i believe in jane austen books and hot chocolate.

i believe in waving.

i believe in the book of mormon.

i believe in honesty, dignity and most of all, respect.

i believe in kindness. it can do anything.

i believe in me.

try doing this for a few days.

love, laur

today.

2011-05-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

i witnessed a death.
the sbo kind
mission accomplished. :)

love, laura

i am me and you are you.

2011-04-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

hey.
we're all different.
we look different. yes.
we speak different. yep.
we have different styles, different senses of humor,
different pet peeves, different experiences,
and most importantly
different feelings.
and no situation is the same as someone else's.
even though they might be similar.
so?
make your own story.
don't try and make your relationship/friendship the same as someone else's
because frankly it won't work.
because you are not them
you are you.
and they are they.
love where your at.
love who you love.
and let it be natural.

love, laura

top ten of my wednesday.

2011-04-27T20:38:00.000-07:00

1. today i went to the park to do homework with tori. yes, outside. i love this sunshine business.

2. today i found my little sister out in our front yard reading Harry Potter.
i wish i was that cute.
and i wish we had grass haha.

3. i came to school today all prepared. yes kids, i did homework yesterday. and won my team 30 extra bonus points in class :) whoop!

4. i went to the temple.
ps. i saw jessica carlson there and her lovely new hair. i'm a big fan.

5. my mama came to watch me sing. :)

6. i watched the other choir sing, and a young man didn't have his bow tie on quite right. it warmed my heart.

7. i saw bre bre.

8. speaking with the seminary teachers and kelle pyne in the hallway. always a treasure :)

9. honey bee.

10. hula.

11. (oops, had to have an 11th) talking to some new friends in first period. about friendships and how they come about.
they are cute.

have a nice day peeps.
be you.
its the best thing to be.

love, laaaaaaaaaaura.

solutions for the cold in feet.

2011-04-24T18:09:00.000-07:00

if you didn't know
my little feeties have circulation promlems...
the doc says they are too small for proper blood flow
its kind of a problem.
especially at night time.
normally my remedy is to rub them on others' legs and steal the heat.
usually on those of my family
and more recently mikelle and shelbie (sorry guys)
but unfortunately i don't share rooms with them anymore
and i don't have a husband.
so, i came up with this lovely solution last night.
now my socks don't come off
and the pants make my ankles warm.
works like a charm.

love, laura

the house that built me.

2011-04-22T23:15:00.000-07:00

tonight i went to my old house and sat in my driveway.
i miss that house.
not so much that house
but my life that was there.
i miss the way it smelled
and the way the seasons looked outside of its windows.
i miss the long road by it that me and j always promised to take pictures of.
i miss cartwheels down the hill.
i miss the big rock that i used to pretend was my horse.
i miss spying on my crazy neighbor across the street.
i broke my arm on those stairs
and then i slid down them in a sleeping bag.
i threw up on the floors there.
i sat on the counter while my mom made dinner.
i got doorbell ditched by my first crushes.
i read my first book there.
i got my first kiss in the front yard.
i did tricks down the slide with my siblings.
i slept on the tramp.
there was that time i did a front flip on my mom's bed and made a hole in the wall.
i painted my sister's room purple.
yes, i even took my first steps in that beautiful place.
i miss it.
in that house is where the foundations of laura were made.
i'll forever be grateful for it.

now i'm in a new place
i love it very much.
although my childhood was built somewhere else
i'm becoming something better while i'm here.

i think we take our homes for granted.
they are the place we can really run away.
they are the place that you are truly you.

look around your house today and smile.
maybe make a list of memories and shed a tear.

much love, laur

just admit it.

2011-04-21T16:31:00.000-07:00

its weird to be a senior
and to look back at your past few years
to close one door
and be forced to open another.
as cliche as it all sounds
i've really learned a lot.
from the girl who was scared of caring about anything
to the girl who cried in an assembly
and doesn't regret it at all.
and its because i've decided to accept who i am
accept where i've been
accept where i'm going
and more importantly,
to accept how i feel about things.
you see, feelings are always ALWAYS valid.
well obviously our reactions to them are not always valid..or necessary.
but everything we feel, we feel for a reason.
and the best thing to do is admit to yourself that your feeling it
and let it run its course.
some feelings don't require action.
and to be honest
some of them shouldn't really be acted upon.
but i'm sick of the fighting it.
i feel so much better admitting to myself that i feel a certain way about someone
than sitting there and trying to talk myself into feeling nothing towards them.
i realize that this approach can mean a lot of days of pain in the future
but if its gonna hurt
(and its gonna hurt)
it might as well hurt with all my heart.
i don't think you'll ever regret loving something with all your heart.

tell me your thoughts.

love, laura

i apologize.

2011-04-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

well,
i've just been out traveling the world.
NBD.
and i loved california just as much as new york.
who would've thought?
i love the world peeps.
i love it all.
i look like a have leprosy due to my peeling..
but its kinda cool.

today i just want to tell you all that i know that my Heavenly Father is aware of me.
so many things have happened in the past few weeks
that have proven to me even more how aware He really is.
i feel so powerful.
i'm finally figuring me out.
and i'm realizing my own potential.

on the way home from tour i sat next to my best friend.
he said "laura, lets read our scriptures together"
i said "ok"
he said a prayer and we switched verses.
i can't even begin to tell you how great it was.
no, i didn't have a crying vision and miraculous experience,
but i felt of God's love for me
and i felt that things would always be ok between me and my friend,
and i needed it.

guys, the church is so true.
don't forget it.

so much love,
laur

those little town blues have melted away.

2011-04-09T22:05:00.000-07:00

to be honest, i never thought that i would fall quite this mad for a city.
new york is just one beautiful mess.
every street i walk on has its own story to tell.
even the same street tells a different one each time i walk on it.
i look up at the sky and
see the tall buildings scraping it
i feel so little,
but i also believe i've never felt so important in my life.
because here you have to have a presence.
and if you don't
they don't care about you.
and its fun to give everyone a scare
and wave to a taxi driver,
and have him look at you so confused
and wave back.
or sing "how does she know?"
in central park.
people don't do that here.
you look at someone and smile
and they look more confused than anything else
as if to say
"do i know you or something?"
but it's fantastic.
i love that
i love feeling like i'm throwing some sunshine in new york city.
i'm probably not
but i like it nevertheless.
people yell
they honk
they walk right into you.
and it smells like smoke and peanuts and lots of people.
and i love it.
laura cottrell loves it.
who would've thought?
its 1 in the morning here and we just got back from looking at the skyline.
i'll never forget it.
i'll never forget how alive i feel here
and how nice it is to take a few days to forget.
and i think i'll leave my heart in new york city
it's happy here.
and i'm in love with it.

love, laura

lets hear it for new york.

2011-04-08T22:42:00.000-07:00

I look into your thousand eyes, and your thousand eyes look into my eyes.
I look into your face, and your face is full of the glory of God.
I look into your soul, and your soul is full of the wonder of the world;
Oh nourishing, immortal, beautiful Manhattan.
-Edwin Curran.

go to this url please.

and know that i danced on these steps last night.

people people people.

manhattan is my new hometown.

i'm so happy.

thats all i have time for right now.

i have a date with shelbie to stare out our window again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0UjsXo9l6I8

2011-04-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

my dears,
this is my last post from utah.
well, for about two weeks.

i know i'm not going very far,
but i still tend to have a hard time saying goodbye.
so today i went to get a frosty with a friend.
and talked on the phone with another.
and danced in my kitchen to "every time we say goodbye" with tor.
and i just want to say bye to all of you.
and i can't wait to share with you
all of my new yorkie
and california
adventures.

i love you all.
pray that i don't get attacked on the plane.

and if you see one in the sky tomorrow
please wave,
and i'll wave too.

thank you.

love, laura

how lucky.

2011-04-04T14:16:00.000-07:00

how lucky to go to new york city with two of the most beautiful girls on the planet.

how lucky to listen to conference all weekend.

how lucky to go to disneyland.

how lucky to listen to frank sinatra in the car.

how lucky to overhear awkward conversations in the lunchroom.

how lucky to have a warm day.

how lucky to have love in your heart for someone. even if that means that you have to be bothered a little more.

how lucky that you are reading my blog.

i'm one blessed little girl.

love, laura

it's lovely.

2011-03-31T19:09:00.000-07:00

today i feel so happy.
really, my life has been so happy for the past week.
it's been an absolute blessing.
a magical weekend led to a fantastic week.
i just want to say that lauren jones is amazing.
and that i feel like i found a missing friend. and that's true.
i also want to say that hannah and i had a picnic in the beautiful weather today.
and we talked about the beginning of our lives,
and about france, and new york, and disneyland.
and love.
we always talk about love.

and about how my life is like a movie.
it really is.
and i need to be the main character
not the pathetic best friend.

be the main character in your own life.
take action.
and don't let beautiful opportunities pass you by.
travel even though its expensive.
hold his hand when you want.
smile at your memories.
lay in the sunshine.
learn about art. or something else that you would like to fancy.
believe that everything happens for a reason
and that it will all end up beautifully. just how its supposed to.
get real peeps. isn't life wonderful?
i love you all.

love, laura

8 more.

2011-03-29T14:49:00.000-07:00

in just 8 more days
this girl is taking on the big city.
and i'm taking shelbie jude and arianna with me.

it's safe to say that I CAN'T WAIT.

love, laura

to the best night.

2011-03-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

can we all just take a moment to look at this man?
handsome? yes.
charming? oh yes.
wonderful? mmhmmm.
perfect? very nearly.

dear bloggers,
last night i got swept off my feet.
it was beautiful.
dancing and singing and playing in the rain.
white shoes and black clothing.
dark brown eyes.
big smiles.
and a large amount of butterflies in my tummy.
did i mention he sang to me on a balcony?
yeah. he did.
i wish i could tell you everything,
but i won't.
just remember that i fell in love on march 26th.
that's all :)

love, laura

ps. i may or may not have cried when it was over...what? :)

it's ok.

2011-03-24T17:42:00.000-07:00

i think its ok to..

laugh too much.
yes, you might snort
or forget to breathe.
don't worry about it.

talk to someone random even if they think you are weird.

run the minimum requirement of pacers in pe
...hey, it gives you room to improve?

try on your prom dress a million times.

tell someone you are proud of them.
even if you are little-er than them.

be excited.

bring a delicious apple to give to a friend.

draw pictures.

tell someone your beliefs
even if you might feel pushy.

go somewhere new.

be alone for a day or two.

listen to classical music and pretend that you are leading a symphony.

hang out with your mother.

look at pictures of all the places you want to go in your spare time.
(some of my favorites are shown above.)

read a book.

be at least 15 minutes late to...well, everything.
(this one maybe is not ok)

write a blog post when you should be doing math homework.

just do what makes you happy. K?

love, laura

a funny little thing.

2011-03-22T21:10:00.001-07:00

sometimes i think i get a hold of my feelings..
thennnnn
well,
it turns out i don't.
today i talked to my mama about it and she laughed and said
"isn't love a funny little thing?"
well it sure is something..don't know if funny is the word..
but its weird that seeing someone else can make your heart beat faster.
and that you never get tired of replaying conversations in your head.
and that you laugh and smile and hope they are thinking of you too.
it's a funny little thing that runs your whole life.
and that's all i have to say today. :)

just tell him how you feel.

love, laura

on this monday.

2011-03-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

today i learned that being nice can really pay off for you.
i also learned that there's lots of choices for a black and white tuxedo.
and that its hard to wake up even on early out days.
i learned that listening to piano music makes you sleepy
and also content.
i learned that its never worth it to miss seminary.
i looked at pictures from the temple.
i laughed at that blonde boy who wanted to share a hat while we danced.
and at the one who was on drugs from wisdom teeth.
i learned that its hard to find shoes in my size.
i forgot about friends being stranded on the road,
but i eventually brought them home safe.

and now, i want to go listen to someone play the cello,
and go swing on a swing.

and i should probably start doing homework on time.
i vow to you all i'll do better next term..

love, laura

here's some scriptures i found today.
1 John 4:8 "he that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."
1 John 4:18 "there is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear"
go read that chapter! and feel of God's love for you.

i hope you understand.

2011-03-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

you know when you are reading a really good book?
and you have that internal fight to just hurry and get it done to see how it ends?
but then there's also that part of you that is saying
"no! once you finish it, it will be over."
well, i don't know if you feel like that ever
but i know that i do.
and i also know that i feel that way about my life right now.
i can't wait for some of these upcoming events in my life.
(prom, new york, disneyland, graduation..yeah)
i've truly never been more excited in my entire life.
but i'm scared for them to be over.
i'm weird.

love, laura

a hurt thumb, and a friend.

2011-03-15T15:03:00.001-07:00

for ari kokol.

yes,

our friendship may be scarred,

but it's still a thumbs up.

love, laura

it's not really scarred by the way,

she just cut me today on accident.

be nice.

2011-03-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

so today i'm taking a stand on the high school mentality.

my sweet friends,

i cannot tell you how many times this week i've heard...

"i know he likes her, but i can chase him, we're just in high school, right?"

"well no, i don't really like her, but we had a good time on that date, so i kissed her. i'm only <16,17,18>, shouldn't i be able to live it up now?"

"she's a beast!"

"who does she think she is?"

"ugh, i told him not to tell anyone"

people,

can we please put a stop to it?

i've been reluctant to write this post

because i know that i have said nearly every one of these things more than once.

but i have wholeheartedly decided that it needs to come to an end.

for us all.

no, you can't chase some guy who is quite into another girl,

he's not yours.

and we are failing to see the boundaries here.

no young men,

you can't kiss a girl simply because you want to.

i'm sure i don't only speak for myself when i say that kissing is very special to a girl.

when i kiss someone it means something to me,

it would kill me to have a boy kiss me and then have no intention of doing anything else about it.

(i even feel this way about holding hands for goodness sake!)

stop! stop saying hurtful things about each other!

we are all sad when people say hurtful things about us,

especially when they aren't true.

stop telling secrets!

and while your at it why don't you keep your promises?

maintain your integrity,

maintain your trust.

yes, we are indeed young.

but that doesn't mean that we have to be stupid.

now is the time to become the people we are going to be the rest of our lives,

now is the time to learn to communicate effectively,

to learn how to love people and learn from them.

it's not the time to get whatever you want regardless of how others feel.

thank you for listening to my venting.

lets put other people's feelings in front of our own gratification shall we?

it'll make the world a better place.

love, laura

today.

2011-03-14T14:17:00.000-07:00

"hard as things are today, they will be better the next day if we choose to serve the Lord"

-henry b. eyring

"a constant waiting for a brighter future may cause us to lose a beautiful today."

-marvin j. ashton

today is a day we're never going to get back.

there is an opportunity somewhere for each and every one of us to make a difference.

and to make someone laugh,

and to give someone a compliment.

or see a rainbow,

and smell a flower,

or eat a cupcake.

most importantly,

today we choose who we're going to be,

and what we're going to say to the world about ourselves

and about what we believe

and about what we think needs to change for the better.

capture today,

have your heart out in prayer the whole time.

you may feel the sunshine on your skin

or maybe the icicles up your nose.

whatever it is,

just enjoy it.

you might see an old friend,

you might make a new one,

or maybe you won't see any friends at all,

just love it.

anything can happen today,

isn't that amazing?

there are no limits!

today you could fall in love.

today your heart could be healed.

today you can run a mile.

today you can help someone be better.

today you can become better yourself!

its a gift that God gives us every time we open our eyes in the morning.

a new day with a new story,

maybe even a new you.

what a lovely thing :)

and can we just forget tomorrow?

it isn't even here yet.

thanks.

love, laur

forgive me.

2011-03-12T22:16:00.001-08:00

today i've had a lump in my throat all day.

i remember feeling that lump in my throat when i was little and i was trying to grow up,

big girls don't ever cry, you know?

and so i'd hold it in,

and i'd sit there with that lump in there until the tears snuck out.

i haven't felt that familiar little lump in years.

as i've gotten older i don't need to cry as much,

and when i do,

my body just lets me.

but today i'm fighting it.

and the worst part is that the reason its there is stupid.

i don't want to be hurt by stupid things.

can we all just remember to forgive one another?

we do dumb things,

but lets just love each other,

and be happy.

and realize that we're not the only ones who have emotions.

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.”

-Dr. Sidney Simon

Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation.”

-Brigham Young

and you know, sometimes you just aren't feeling it today.

and you're really hurt,

and i think thats ok.

but remember to have a little spot in your heart open to it.

because you never know when the forgiveness will finally come in.

and it'll need a place to stay.

i'm sorry that sometimes i get mad and jealous,

i really do love you all.

and i do want you to be happy :)

lets say sorry more. and actually mean it too.

love, laura

i hate to do this.

2011-03-10T21:49:00.001-08:00

rarely do i brag.

but, sorry.

you know that hot man who sang to us tonight at american fork's got talent?

the one that stole your heart and melted it with those dark brown eyes?

that, my friends,

is my prom date.

and my best friend.

doesn't get any better than that.

thank you. :D

love, laura